My First Interview about The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation

The First Interview about The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation!! 🙂

2013-05-28 13.43.00

The Nice Guy/Girl Dilemma and The Alternative (Guidelines)

In the World of Dating, Courtship, Attraction, Seduction, Love, and Relationships, a common phrase exists: “Nice Guys/Girls Finish Last.” This mentality is also known as the Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome.

Search Nice Guy Syndrome on Urban Dictionary

So, let’s tackle the dilemma of “Nice People” to arrive at the conclusion of whether it’s true or false. What does that “Nice” mean? Firstly, nice, alone can be vague without adjectives and details to describe what is nice.

Check out Nice Guys Finish Last Music Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8

For the sake of this discussion and article in defining the concept of Niceness, Nice is divided into two terms. Nice may mean different things to oneself and others.

Kezia Noble’s Video On Nice Guys, Good Guys, and Bad Guys. Be THE GOOD GUY! 😉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY3yC4Z8sqE

Check NO! The first type of “Nice” is a euphemism for neediness, overly insecure, weak, having ulterior motives/agendas, being passive or passive-aggressive, or overly aggressive, entitlement mentality which aren’t desirable traits for being dating, courting, relationship material. Thus, “Nice” is NOT really Nice when used to describe what one really means. Example of “Nice”: Attempt to buy another’s affection through gifts, presents, superficial materials, etc.

Picture: Google Image Search- Nice Guy Syndrome: See Picture that says: How to Spot a Nice Guy

“Being your true authentic self is your most attractive self. Us being us is our real attractive self. In fact, us being real, us being authentic is the only truly seductive thing there is. Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.” -Zan Perrion

Check Yes! The second type of Nice (aka. The Good) means being Nice without any ulterior motives/agendas. In other words, being nice without expecting anything else in return (also known as. Old school Chivalry) is what being Nice truly is. Example of The Genuine Nice: Gets to know a potential suitor (person one is interested in, attracted to, respects and values).

Watch Jenna Marble’s Nice Guys Do NOT Finish Last Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI

“Nice” do finish last while The Nice can finish first!

In order to be in a successful loving and mature relationship with others, one must love themselves entirely including their imperfections. Embrace Yourself through Complete Honesty, Sincerity, and Authenticity!

Self-Love, Self-Respect, Knowing and Applying one’s Self-Worth through Beliefs, Values, and Actions are very important in being a Man or Woman, Leader, and most importantly, a human being that can be an optimistic role model.

The Nice can date, court, attract, and seduce the one he or she is interested in, attracted to, values, and respects. However, being genuinely nice is NOT enough. People, Men or Women of all Sexual Orientations and other backgrounds, want their partner, lover, significant other, close friend to be a supporter and nurturer in the relationships they have with each other. Desirable traits in friendships, romantic relationships and of other types includes: Confidence, Assertiveness, Gentleness, Sensitivity, Charisma, Clean Humour, Maturity, Morals, Ethics, Passion, Determination, Personal/Social Competence, Strength, Courage, Ambition, Experience, Wisdom, Intelligence, Altruism, and so forth.

To become really successful in life in all aspects, communication, social, leadership and motivational skills while living a valuable principled life is a must. So, To Be Interesting, Be Interested!

“Be a man of value rather than a man of success.” –Albert Einstein

Life is too short as the saying goes. Also, there’s no right time. Make time and live life to the fullest in the moment as if there’s no tomorrow. Carpe Diem and Create The Opportunities through Holistic and Interdisciplinary Approaches of Altruism! Say what you really feel and do what you truly feel! Say more than just Hello to the Person you not only are attracted to, interested in or desire, however, more importantly to the one that you value, respect, and love passionately by not only words since actions demonstrate purpose and meaning. Be Your Best Self!

Lessons to Achieve and Learn

Learn Emotional Awareness (Facial Expressions; Micro, Macro, False, Masked), Social Skills through Influence, Persuasion, Personality, Character, Charisma, The Arts and Sciences of Attraction, Social Dynamics, Seduction, Social Structures: Proxemics (Space and Body Positioning), Haptics (Touch), Kinesics (Physical Gestures and Body Movement), Vocalics ((Paralanguage), Chronemics (Structure and Use of Time in Nonverbal Communication) and so forth. In addition: Read, Learn, Practice, Evolve Intelligently with Effectiveness and Quality.

Remember,

“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” -Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

Revolutionizing Manhood: Societal Conditioning, Empowerment, Changing F/M Roles, Principles in Communication and Relationships

Too often in society and mainstream media, we hear phrases such as: Boys will be Boys, Boys and Men do NOT cry, Males don’t express themselves, Expressive Men are cowards and not masculine, Men are supposed to be aggressive, muscular, athletic and so forth. You get the point. Stereotypes and Generalizations are clearly prevalent here under lack of critical thinking and not realizing or acknowledging that people of the same background can be different.

To respond and to know that those absurd words involves ridiculous thinking and full of ignorance and sometimes arrogance, forget the lies.

Just like many things and other beings, Men come in all sizes, shapes, forms, and from all diverse backgrounds. Expressive Men have feminine traits while being masculine just as those with other sexual orientations besides being heterosexual are men and masculine too. Non-muscular, athletic, sad, crying men are masculine men.

Yoda from Star Wars once said, “You must unlearn what you have learned.”

yoda-on-unlearning-what-you-learned

External Factors: Society and Media continue to brainwash us with misconceptions, stereotypes, generalizations, and deception that people are to labeled as objects and seen as if they are all the same apples. In reality, some are apples while others can be sweet apples, juicy oranges, tropical mango, shining bananas, etc. Painting everybody as the same picture is intellectually, ethically, and morally unsound. Every Single Individual is UNIQUE in their own way both naturally and through the journey of nurture, personal/social/professional growth! 🙂 Believe It, Practice It, and Own It! Empower and Transform Yourself Into Your Best Self for the right reasons!

To Empower Yourself and Others is to be AUTHENTIC by accepting your true emotions whether you may be sad, angry, happy, perplexed, flabbergasted, or disgusted. In other words, when one feels sad, be sad. When one feels angry, be angry. When one feels happy, be happy. So be Genuine, Sincere, and Authentic when expressing oneself alone or when one is with others.

To be feeling down, is more than okay to be sad, angry, and in tears, and vulnerable. Heck, as boys and men, after all, ARE HUMAN as well. We are HUMAN.

To suffer, to be vulnerable, to be impotent, is to be human who becomes a leader with the abilities to be courageous, have strength, and living a principled, ethical, moral, and fulfilling life.

VULNERABILITY = COURAGE and STRENGTH

As for Men and Women of all beings, each and every one of us, holds feminine and masculine personality traits which is taught in Family Studies 101. Also, we intuitively know that in our minds.

Question and Challenge some Assumptions in Social Norms, Taboos, Stereotypical Gender Roles

If a man is more feminine both in personality or looks, that doesn’t make him any less masculine. Heck, to be more feminine, in itself, takes Courage and Strength. Also, men that belong to other sexual orientation besides heterosexuality too, are masculine and men of Courage and Strength. Men who don’t fit the conventional profile of being masculine, are still men, masculine, and most importantly: Human Beings.

Through Value, Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion, Respect, and Integrity in Verbal and Nonverbal Communication we can practice and embody a life with Principles, Ethics, Morals, Empowerment and Authentic Transformation as Honest, Sincere, Trustworthy, Genuine Leaders.

List for Suggestions towards Empowerment and Transformation:

Self-Awareness, Affirmations (Positive Self Talk), Discipline, Mindfulness, Spiritual Journey, Meditation, Being Engaged in your Communities, Social Capital: Bonding (Similarities) and Bridging (Differences) with self and others, Tapping- Emotional Freedom Techniques, Talking Cure- venting/ranting with or to those that care about you and those whom you care about, Therapeutic Exercises/Counseling, Healthy Living: Health and Wellness- Mental Health, Nutrition and Exercise, Love, Complete Acceptance while simultaneously evolving oneself and helping others do the same. **Everybody has their own way of empowering and transforming themselves and others.** To find what works, go through series of trials and errors. One can mix these recommendations by using multiple of these techniques for relieving stress to empower and transform self and others. Exercising holistic and interdisciplinary approaches to relieve stress while going through the journey of transformation is beautiful.

Self-Awareness: Consciousness of Self (Aware of One’s Strengths, Weaknesses- one’s entire being/sense of self) > Self-Conscious (Focusing on Insecurities)

Tapping Emotional Freedom Technique

EFT_Tapping_Chart_English

In personality psychology, locus of control refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events affecting them. Understanding of the concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954, and has since become an aspect of personality studies. Essentially, the Locus of Control is about things one can control and others that are out of one’s control.

Check this article out on Locus of Control. http://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/2009/locus-of-control/

Please contact the Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation for further resources on therapeutic approaches to relieving stresses all the while being one’s best self! Email: themoralcompassofattraction@gmail.com or contact us through the FB Page.

My Published Articles on The Good Men Project, Online Magazine

GMPMy Biography and Published Works!  http://goodmenproject.com/author/luke-park/

Be sure to check out and share my first published article called The Journey of My Cultural Identity with The Good Men Project! http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-journey-of-my-cultural-identity-wcz/

Here’s my second article about the personal growth, relationships, and life coaching universe regarding those involved; The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly! Learn, Develop, and Strengthen Emotional Awareness and Social Intelligence as a skill to enhance one’s leadership abilities throughout diverse parts of his or her’s life wherever people are involved. Utilize your best self and have fulfilling relationships with your families, relatives, friends, colleagues, associates, co-workers, loved ones and others. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/emotional-awareness-social-intelligence-wcz/

Malicious intent and bullying turned Luke Park into a champion of social justice and relationship coaching. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/confessionsoftheunderdogandthrivingsurvivor-wcz/

“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” –Ernest Hemingway

Stay tuned for future published articles on The Good Men Project http://goodmenproject.com and here on my Word Press! 🙂

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face…We must do that which we think we cannot.” -Eleanor Roosevelt

The Eightfold Path of Attraction and Social Confidence

The Eightfold Path are 8 Principles of  Buddhism to Enlightenment and Awareness

Mind over Matter. If anything, The Mind comes first and then techniques come last.

These Principles can be applied to leadership, attraction, seduction, social interactions (romantic, sexual, platonic, professional intentions), confidence, inner peace, and building one’s own personal, professional and social growth in the mind and of an individual’s lifestyle.

1. Right View: Having the right understand and moral/ethical perspectives of oneself and others both internally and externally. Right View means holding no view and having no idea (being open-minded). Put down all your thinking, opinions, and see this world exactly as it is. Realize that we’re all human and wanting to connect with ourselves and others deeply. Also, think about why you do want or need something? Reflect on your authentic, genuine, honest, sincere motivations and aspirations.

2. Right Thought: We all have our opinions, thoughts, biases, perspectives, experiences, emotions and are often very attached to them. We have strong dislikes and likes. We are also attached to our condition and situation. “I’m a woman.”, “I’m a man.”, etc. When we hold onto these conditions, we can’t completely connect with this world and all the human beings. We only see this small “I, my, me” world we have made, and we can’t help others. (Refer to Ego Suspension as a one of the Build Rapport Principles to get more detail on it). Right Thought means not becoming attached to any views, not holding our opinion, condition, and situation, and only keeping a before-thinking mind that spontaneously wants to help all beings. Think less, Use Unattached Emotions. Your before-thinking mind is your substance; my before-thinking mind is my substance. Then your substance, my substance, and this whole universe’s substance are the same substance. However, that point is before thinking. If you attain that before-thinking mind, your mind is clear like space. Then you perceive that you are the same as all beings, and true thinking can appear by itself. You no longer harbor thoughts of selfish desire, ill will or malice. The name for this is wisdom.

3. Right Speech: Many people are attached to their tongue. This tongue is very fascinating. We have two eyes, two ears, and two nostrils. Why do we only have one mouth and one tongue? This mouth has a very big job! It’s always eating and talking, nonstop. It always desires some good feeling- from food, drink or from the pleasure of making lots and lots of speech. Most of our strongest attachments come from the desires of this tongue. Not so many attachments come from our ears, nostrils or eyes. Perhaps, if we have another mouth and tongue, our life would be much easier, because then this one month and tongue wouldn’t feel they always have to do so many things all the time. However, this tongue already causes many, many problems for this world, so we’re lucky not to have another one. In fact, one could say that, of our five primary senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and sense of touch), when we’re not careful this tongue causes the most suffering for ourselves and for this world. Control this tongue and all its desires. In Zen, “The tongue has no bone.” This is because what one says and does (actions) aren’t congruent.

4. Right Action: Talk is Cheap. Action is Quality and of Value. Use the tongue to help others with clear, compassionate, leadership quality, confident, charismatic speech. Action comes from our mind and returns to our mind. Whatever one does in the world is a reflection of our thinking. This is sometimes called the path of precepts. He taught that we shouldn’t take any life to produce heedlessness. Whenever we do something, if we are thinking, that action becomes Karma. We create a kind of mental habit for that action. If we don’t do good things, we naturally make bad Karma. However, if we only try to do good things for other people, then we make Bodhisattva Karma. This is action that only tries to serve other people. Right Action means always being aware of how our actions affect other beings, because that also affects our mind. This is why Right Action is sometimes, interpreted as Right Karma.

5. Right Livelihood (Lifestyle and Objectives: Everybody has two jobs, goals, objectives in life. Our inside work is keeping clear mind. Our outside work is cutting off selfish desires and helping others. Saying this is one thing, yet how do we actually do it? We have jobs. Some person’s job is to go and work in an office to make money; another person’s job is to live in a temple and teach other people. However, how does this outside job help other beings? Is this work done only for me, only for my family, or for all beings? It’s certainly true that in this world, everyone has to make money. However, many people’s work entails killing many animals, or polluting the air and water. This is not so good. Selling alcohol, drugs, explosives, or guns to other people only makes more and more bad Karma. It can’t help this world at all. Even if one is doing this to make money to help their family, in the end one will only add suffering to this world, just in order to get money. Be careful: in this world, cause and effect are always very, very! So, Buddha taught that we must have jobs that don’t hurt this world. As I said before, the most important thing is, Why Do this or that? If you ask this question, then your Right Livelihood becomes very clear.

6. Right Effort (Energy): Always trying hard in your meditation and spiritual practices. Sick or healthy, busy or free, tired or rested, it doesn’t matter. Only try, try, try, nonstop! Only do it. That’s all!

7. Right Mindfulness (Presence): How do you keep your mind, right now? Just as a ray continues out from one point to another to make a straight line, how you keep your mind in this very moment makes your whole life. Many people only follow their thinking, their desire, anger, and ignorance. So, they get suffering in situations after situations. However, if one wakes up right now, one gets happiness. Which one do you like? Happiness is a choice. It’s a decision that one makes internally to better their presence, their present and future. The name for this “wake up” is sometimes called paying attention. The Buddha called it the Right Mindfulness.

8. Right Meditation (Clarity): Correct Meditation is the most important thing that one can do to wake up, be enlightened and aware. Right Meditation means from moment to moment keeping a not-moving mind. In any situation and any condition, keep a mind that’s clear like space, yet that functions as meticulously as the tip of a needle. Some people think the point of meditation is just to experience some kind of “peace mind”. They only like stillness and quiet. Finding quiet in the quiet isn’t true quiet. Quiet in the noisy is true quiet. Yes, having a quiet place to meditate is desirable. However, we shouldn’t become attached to a quiet experience alone, because life isn’t always like this. If your mind isn’t moving, then even the loudest and busiest areas are beautifully Zen. There are also people who think that correct meditation just has to do with doing very had sitting meditation practice. However, doing this alone isn’t complete meditation practice. This kind of thinking is attachment to body-sitting. True Meditation means correct mind-sitting: regardless of condition or situation, how do you keep your mind, right now? That makes your life. If your mind is clear, the whole universe is clear. If your mind isn’t clear, the whole universe isn’t clear. That’s a very important premise. So doing strong meditation is important. Having a good sitting practice is very, very important. On the other hand, the most important point of all this is cutting off all attachment to thinking and returning to your before-thinking mind. “What am I? Only don’t know…” Can you do that in every condition and situation, off the cushion as well as on it? If you can do this while driving, that’s driving meditation. If you do it while eating, that’s eating meditation. If you can do it while cleaning your house, that’s working meditation. **Apply meditation to the relationship with yourself and others.**

True Meditation and Spiritual Practices means keeping a great question: only, “What or Whom Am I?”

It’s good to control your breathing. Breathe in slowly and breathe out slowly. Your exhalation should be a little more than twice as long as the inhalation. If you breathe in and out very slowly, one can more easily cut off all thinking and not be attached to the coming and going of your mind. Over time, your energy comes down, down, down into your central core, and you can better control your feelings and emotions. Through all of this, however, it’s important to emphasize that true meditation isn’t bodily posture. It’s how one keeps their mind, from moment to moment, in the midst of any daily activity.

Source: The Compass of Zen- Zen Master Seung Sahn, Foreword by Stephen Mitchell

Applications: Applied Eightfold Path Models to the Human Mind, Completing Objectives, achieving leadership success, being socially confidence, developing personal growth through charisma.