The Myth: Why Boys and Men Don’t Cry

Boys and Men ubiquitously are hurting and crying for help. Parents, Mentors, Role Models, Friends, Families, Colleagues, Co-workers, Significant others, and others, be there for the boys and men in your life. Be sincere, genuine, caring, honest.

“Takes a village to raise a kid.”
Society says, “Men don’t cry”, “Men aren’t expressive.”, “If boys and men are expressive, they’re cowards, pu**ies”, “Boys will be boys.” STOP conditioning us to be non-express, non-communicative. Nurture us from the ground up when we’re younger. When we’re adults, be kind, support and love us wholesomely.
How traumatic, unhealthy, and immature are those words? Rhetorical.
“It’s easier to raise children than fix broken men.”

Regardless of our backgrounds whether it is gender, race, ethnicity, age, religion, political stances, sexual orientation, education, we’re all HUMAN.

F**k the male patriarchal society. As people, we all have pain, suffering, vulnerabilities, failures, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, plans, goals, objectives, feelings, emotions, beliefs, needs and desires.

Whether boys and men cry, smile, express themselves in any other way, they are still boys and men. They are still human beings that need and want support. Hell, we’re ALL expressive, emotional creatures. Where’s the love? Show the love. Be good, be ethical, be moral, be kind, be gentle, be sensitive, be assertive, be confidence, love oneself in and out entirely and share that love with others.

When I’m in uncomfortable state of vulnerabilities, I utilize meditation, emotional freedom technique (tapping), exposure therapy, talking cure, music therapy, practice martial arts and sports. Do what gives you emotional release.

If you have anxiety, depression or other unhealthy things going on, please seek professional assistance by contacting your physician to see a specialist or call your local hot-line for help!

Here’s a song that may help boys and men see the light during and at the end of the dark tunnel.
Lean On Me, Bill Withers

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The Revealing Truth: Signals of Deceptive Behaviour

“The World’s A Stage. We’re all merely players.” -William Shakespeare

I have a lot of problems with articles about Deception Leakage (aka Cues or Tell Tale Signs) that show people are lying through their verbal and non-verbal communication.

Deception

“No mortal can keep a secret. If the lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” -Sigmund Freud

Firstly, many signs are similar or identical to those with **anxiety**.

Secondly, many articles fail to mention a baseline is the first step to detecting lies by deducing the distinctions of an individual’s normal and abnormal behaviour.

Thirdly, to read behaviour properly, one has to consider the 3 C Rule: Context, Congruency, Clusters (The Definitive Book of Body Language).

Fourthly, everybody has their own cues (involuntary Expressions) that reveal one is being deceptive.

Fifthly, the American Psychology Association does not support the findings of deception to be fully credible.

Statement Analysis (Interpretation of how words are said or expressed) lacks empirical data to be supported and nor does the Polygraph.

Ironically, the American Polygraph Association, Government and Private Agents do practice Statement Analysis, reading non-verbal communication, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and believe the Polygraph is 97% accurate provided the examiner knows what one is doing.

“People want to tell you what they’ve done. They want to confess to you. We just have to listen.” -Todd Brown, Detective

Truth

 The Truth Will Set You Free but first it will piss you off.

The best ways to know if somebody is lying: Ask the individual to state the events of what happened in chronological order. If he or she did without any trouble, one is being deceptive. Memory doesn’t work in order.

Blinking a lot is another good indicator. Lastly, forming a baseline by asking them questions that they know are true and unrelated to the context or you already know the answer to. For example, what’s your name? Their answer is true. Observe the verbal and non-verbal cues when they tell the truth to determine their behaviour when it’s out of the ordinary.

In addition, if there’s inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal, rely on the non-verbal [macro and micro, false, masked expressions, tonality alterations, and abnormal body language (Kinesics, Haptics, and Proxemics)] to determine the truth. Most importantly, have authenticated evidence to conclusively prove the presence of deception.

“Deafness has left me acutely aware of both the duplicity that language is capable of and the many expressions the body cannot hide.” -Terry Galloway (Poet/Actress)

lietome

References

Studied Basic Human Emotions, Universal Expressions, Deception Hot Spots, The Polygraph, Behavioural Interviews, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) prior to university and happened to study these topics and among others in one of my fourth year undergraduate courses.

Check out: Allan and Barbara Pease: Communication Skills http://www.peaseinternational.com/

Dr. Paul Ekman (Resources) http://www.ekmaninternational.com/

Dr. Paul Ekman, Articles, Training, Resources, etc. (Project Wizard) http://www.paulekman.com/

Other Studies and Books that cover these inter-disciplinary fields on the subject of deception, emotions, and human behaviour.


“The mouth may lie, alright, but the face it makes nonetheless tells the truth.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

The Friend Zone: Type I and Type II

Verbal vs. Non-verbal Communication

What the two different types of friend zones mean and the recommendations to improve upon such an issue.

Out_of_My_League

        Type I: “He or She’s out of my league!”

friend-zone

What we do to ourselves when we see or know somebody we are attracted to, desire, and want in a partner and lover. We come up with excuses on why we can’t attract, build rapport, and seduce them. We metaphorically shoot ourselves in the foot. In other words, we come up with mental scenarios on why we can’t accomplish our goals or make a plan a reality. This is known as limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we do not think, do or say the things that they inhibit. And in doing so we impoverish our lives. We may have beliefs about rights, duties, abilities, permissions and so on. They’re the opposite of affirmations (positive self-talk).

limiting beliefs

Recommendations: Be Positive, Find Value in Every Situation, Be in the Moment, Be Present, Use your sense of humour to bring a genuine smile and laughter for yourself and others around you, Stand Out from the crowd (Look Up: Peacock Seduction Theory)- accessorizing, Put Yourself Out There (Communicate your feelings with words, facial expressions and body language positioning, Go through Exposure Therapy, Freud’s Talking Cure, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping) if that’s an option for you which may be recommended by your health specialist, Seek help from an ethical and moral dating, relationship, life coach.

          Type II: “I have to go to the washroom.” , “I’m not interested.”, or “Let’s just be friends.”rejection-main

When your potential suitor (the one you want as a partner/lover/interest) is the one to really reject you by either verbally telling you she or he isn’t interested in that way directly or indirectly. Also, the person you’re interested in can communicate that they’re not interested non-verbally. Remember, communication consists of three elements: 55% is body language, 38% is voice tonality, and 7% are the words coming out of one’s mouth, alone.

Student-Body-Language-Poster2

Signals and recommendations: If their entire body from head to toes isn’t facing you, chances are he or she just isn’t interest nor attracted to you. In addition, you can look into their eyes (signs of arousal) as they’re the window to one’s soul and pay attention to one’s micro expressions to see if their smile when they’re around you is sincere. Genuine Smile indicators to look for include: wrinkles in lower eye-lid, nasio-labio fold, crows feet wrinkles, raised cheeks, and upturned mouth (Dr Paul Ekman). Also, learn about proxemics (study of body positioning) and kinesics (study of physical gestures). Space boundaries consists of: Public Space (3.6 to 7.6 m), Social Space (1.2 to 3.6 m), Personal Space (.45 to 1.2 m), and Intimate Space (0 to .45 m). A person may be attracted or interested in you when he or she breaks your personal or intimate space. Do NOT look for all these signs and assume somebody is giving you indicators of interest (IoIs).

To properly read each sign and people in what they’re sub-communicating, follow the 3 Cs Guideline: 1. Context- what one non-verbal cue means in one scenario may be different in another. For example, if one is inside and they’re crossing their arms, it could mean they’re cold. If they’re outside and the weather is sunny and hot and you the full context of what’s going on, then they could be insecure or hiding something (uncomfortable)., 2. Congruency- make sure one’s verbal and non-verbal communication are consist/linear. For example, if one says their confident verbally and their body language says their shrugged, then their non-verbal language is really saying they’re not confident. It’s like integers (a positive and negative together is an equivalent of a negative; +/- = -)., and 3. Clusters: Observe and evaluate things based on parts rather than the entire picture. For example, you observe and evaluate a part of the essay (sentences/paragraphs) rather than the entire essay (The Definitive Book of Body Language).

Here are some signs to look for whether one is interested or attracted to another:

Eyes display arousal, their pulses are rising (also a sign of anxiety), they have a genuine smile, they’re mirroring your non-verbal language (body positioning), their feet (direction of the subconscious mind) are facing towards you, they’re displaying open body positioning (for example, their palms and hands are facing towards you) rather than being defensive. Mirroring Behaviour or Postural Mirroring is intended to create complementary transactions at the physical level. Individuals will arrange their bodies so as to mimic the person they are interacting with. Grooming Behaviour is intended to promote the attractiveness of the person doing the grooming. Individuals will re-arrange various objects such as body parts, clothing, etc. to present the best possible image, particularly when meeting someone who is a potential sexual partner. Examples include: Hair Wiping and Clothing Manipulation (adjusting clothes- i.e. collar).

In conclusion,

Practice and Practice and Practice your communication, social, people, presentation, marketing, influencing/persuasion skills in all parts of your life by learning to be more emotionally expressive mature person and be visually presentable. The three components to influence and persuasion are having to appeal and influence 3 parts of our brain: 1. The logical brain (Neo-cortex), 2. The Primal Brain (R-Complex), and 3. The Emotional Brain (The Limbic System).

Book recommendations and other resources on influence, persuasion, communication, social, people, presentation, relationship skills:

Webs of Influence- The Psychology of Online Persuasion

Author: Nathalie Nahai, The Web Psychologist

The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease

The Rules of The Game by Neil Strauss (Author of The Game: Penetrating the secret society of Pick Up Artists)

Emotions Revealed by Dr. Paul Ekman (Lie to Me)

Law of Attraction by Michael J. Losier

Split Second Persuasion by Kevin Dutton

The Art of Seduction, and Mastery (two books) by Robert Greene

Datingskillsreview.com

Companies/Consulting Businesses: Love Systems, Venusian Arts, Ars Amorata (The Art of Love), Jordan Gray Consulting, The Wing Method, Ethical Pick Up, Authentic Man Project, The Social Man Project, The Moral Compass of Attraction, Social Adaptation, ABCs of Attraction, Style Life Academy, Charismatic Arts, SucceedSocially.com, and ApproachAnxiety.com.

The Truth: The Interview with Lady Electric about The Underground and Prevalent Pick Up Artist, Personal Growth, Dating and Relationship Coaching Industry- You Decide!

The Good, Bad, Nice Guys:

<—(Ignore the title of the video: Kezia Noble: Official videos and articles) FYI: Did NOT interview Kezia.

The following Individual that I’ve interviewed hasn’t been publicized and wanted to be privatized and for the purpose of the interview, I’ve used her Nickname [or Stage Name].

The Purpose of The Interview: To reveal the actions and the truth about the Bad, the Ugly, and The Good in This World where Majority of The Bad Apples show up in Mainstream Media

good-and-evil

The Interview goes as follows:

Hi Lady Electric,

Saw your comments on a Global News article in regards to PUA and how not all are bad as society and media portrays the industry, professionals, affiliations to be merely bad apples. When in reality, there are good people involved for the right reasons.

In your posted comments, you had mentioned how you’re directly involved with the communities and how everybody can benefit from learning and experiencing the tools. I have a website, blog, and social media pages on attraction, social confidence, emotional awareness, and social intelligence from moral and ethical perspectives and practices.

Looking for diverse experiences from many people that came across PUA directly or indirectly to post on my blog, social media pages, and website with their full permission. Would you like to write me a testimonial of your experiences you may have had whether they were good, bad, or ugly? Please leave out names for privacy sake. I’ll use alternative names (made up) when posting such testimonials. Also, can I use your comment on Global News Article about how the term of pick up is ambiguous, we use it everyday, it’s used in sales, and so forth?

Great to see that there are those who are more than intelligent to see that not everybody is to be brushed in the same way as the rest.

Sincerely,

Luke

Hi Luke,

What’s a PUA? Just kidding. Thanks for writing. Could you send me a link to your website/blog please? I’ve recently retired from “the game” as I’ve just finish a 7 year contract with “He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named” Father I call Josh Reffries haha. Actually it’s incredibly likely I have the *best story in the entire community but I would never write about it on my own. Too ugly, gruesome, hideous. Perhaps after the old dragon dies or if I had a hypnotist army (I actually do, seriously!). And yet I’ve been involved since 2007, I’m a freaking saint in comparison, which is partly why I felt inclined to comment on the News article. I can write a lot about seduction, not about my personal experiences but about the techniques, learning process, community, etc. I hate to break it to the world but the community is full of sociopath/psychopaths with the intent to take advantage of others, either for money or sex. These techniques are extremely powerful and effective, so all the more reason for every kind-hearted person to learn, wouldn’t you agree? That being said you are right, not everyone is an sick, manipulative, selfish-centered meanie. There are a lot of really nice students and few good coaches like myself but the community needs to come together and decide what we will stand for in regards to moral and ethical treatment and what is flat out unacceptable. Until better organization happens everyone gets lumped in a ball, which keeps the bad guys in business and the good guys at a disadvantage. Are we superheros or super-villains? That is the question! lol

Warm Regards,

Lady Electric

Hi Lady Electric,

Just saw only, ‘What’s a PUA?’ for a second and you almost got me, ahaha. Thanks for getting back to me. Here’s my:
Blog https://themoralcompassofattractionandsocialadaptation.wordpress.com/
Website http://thesocialadaptation.wix.com/thesocialadaptation
https://www.facebook.com/TheMoralCompassofAttractionandSocialAdaptation
Also, have Google Plus Account and Page under The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation Title and email is themoralcompassofattraction@gmail.com. Hope you enjoy it! Accepting feedback.
Wow, Ross Jeffries of Speed Seduction and The God Father. That’s amazing! [Attempting Optimism] I’m sure you have amazing stories. I hear JB in RSD is a really a good guy according to some people’s experiences with him while learning about Growth, Dating and Relationships [not condoning any of his actions in any size, shape, or form over his disrespectful posts on twitter]…just that his marketing strategy was obviously very immoral, unethical, irrational and socially taboo. Can’t confirm it though and definitely don’t endorse his media posts regarding to you know what. Yes, personal experiences don’t have to be included. I respect that. From professional, learning, systematic and experiencing curves are what I’m looking for at all angles (not tunnel vision- out of context or one sided isn’t my style since full disclosure and openness on the good and the bad [open book] is necessary- complete honesty and authenticity.
So, it seems my suspicious observations and instinct for the industry are true based on your words that there are many, whom are sociopaths and/or psychopaths with the intent to be manipulative. It’s ironic how you mention taking advantage for money or sex as I mention that in my WordPress Blog under Ethics and Morals: The Players in Personal Growth or Emotional Awareness and Social Intelligence- The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
Yes, I do, believe they’re very influential whether it’s for good or bad purposes regardless of who exercises these skills. Based on my experiences though, many of the people that I have came across in the industry whom themselves are curious, clients/students, or instructors are very good professionally and personally speaking. They had and have good intentions and it shows through their words and actions. Many of the males and females that I’ve seen interested in receiving assistance are the following types with utmost respect of course (no labeling intended): from the shy individuals, to the introverted, to the good people that are looking for more than just a good time by establishing and maintaining fulfilling relationships whether that be sexual, platonic, family-oriented, personal and/or professional incentives or contexts. I’ve read some statistics that suggest 70-90% were looking towards gaining social skills to getting a lover/partner to a wife to other meaningful relationships while the 20-40% were into it for superficial and manipulative gains.
Absolutely agree with your last five premises about the good and the bad and the outcome.

Appreciate your insight,

With utmost sincerity,
Luke

Luke, thanks for the speedy reply. You are too nice. Honestly. JB or Josh Reffries might be wonderful people and nice to their friends and families but the point is reputation is everything in this community and the community needs a better reputation. Marketing or real immoral techniques, abusing anyone are just wrong and it’s giving the good guys a bad name so we need to draw the line clearly if we don’t want to be labeled sociopaths ourselves. I assure you there are more good people in the world then bad but the bad people hold the majority of control/power and unfortunately this subject draws out every sociopath on the internet. I think your Ethics and Morals Blog is brilliant for that reason, we need more people writing about the importance of good vs bad in the community. You have my permission to post anything I’ve written or write to you on there using the name Lady Electric.
There’s a lot of material on seduction. It’s over complicating a simple subject in my opinion. Everything in life takes practice to get good at it. It will benefit people more to get really good at a few things, rather then try to learn everything. I suggest to people they learn 3 simple things when starting off. Practice until it’s totally natural, unconscious, so they don’t even have to think. Then go learn more if they want.
1. Peacock (stand out from the crowd).
2. Value Build (talk about friends and family and hobbies rather than cars and money).
3. Qualify (Be the one asking most of the questions, like a police officer).
That’s it. Simple PUA 101. All anyone really needs to know to get intensely good at the subject. The key is practice.
Other than that I recommend Instant Rapport by Michel Brooks and My Voice Will Go With You by Sidney Rosen as books that are actually NLP and hypnosis books but will take people a lot further with seduction.
Vin Dicarlo’s Pandoras Box System is fun.
Love Johnny Soporno’s Intro to Seductive Reasoning. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1R-hxqhJls8
For advanced students learn semantics and pragmatics – linguistic kung fu =}
Forget October Man and go for February Man! lol

Best Regards,

Lady Electric

Hey Lady Electric,

Didn’t think I was being too nice. Just don’t want to make a false allegation without legitimate and full honesty of real evidence. The media and society does have a reputation for taking things out of context, exaggerating, and basically blowing things out of proportion. Now, I’m not defending or supporting evil-doers in any size, shape, or form. Quite the contrary, would like to have the full pictures before coming to a reasonable and ethical conclusion. In the cases, the truly guilty are found and discovered or not, justice has to be served. Can’t have wrongfully accused cases occurring because that can ruin an individual’s or groups organizations’ name that would have otherwise been leading towards success and making the difference.
Fortunately, you’re right! There are more good in the world than the bad or the ugly. On the other hand, just like you mentioned there are the abusers that hold more influence into what we believe, think, see, and listen to. On the up said, the good rather than doing nothing, they (not saying we to not brag) do something about it and keep doing what they were doing by motivating and inspiring others through morals and ethics. If one stands for nothing, that individual will fall for anything or anybody.
Thank you, much appreciate it. Through my research and examinations, as I posted in the blog (recommendations), have come across great companies and individuals that truly do make a good impact into dating, relationships and other involved human connections.
Thanks for the 3 suggestions for beginners.

In terms of peacock theory to successfully be implemented and practiced, noticed that it works when non-verbal, verbal and fashion or style are congruently united. One can’t work effectively without the others.

As for value and rapport building, the concentration definitely is on personality, energy, character, experiences, perspectives, values/beliefs and so forth. Internal demonstration rather than external performance. Qualification is excellence when it has flow, smooth, and sincere motivations and execution in the process.
Practice does make improvement, especially when done right and intelligently. However, mistakes have value too in that they give experience, knowledge, and insightful wisdom.
Ah, haven’t heard of Michel Brooks and Sidney Rosen. Thanks for the information. Soporno’s materials are amazing!

^–Luke

Lady Electric: Awesome, ya Soporno is a hero. I don’t like to say bad things about people so I’m not going to name names on the many well known coaches I’ve worked with over the years in LA, Vegas, Vancouver, Halifax, Mexico, England who are completely unethical and downright abusive so you’ll have to trust me there are tons out there. The books are a both a pretty easy and entertaining read. I’m not sure if you’ve ever heard of the forbidden October Man sequence but it was stolen from February Man, pretty much all NLP and seduction come from hypnosis techniques by Milton H. Erickson. Erickson had a female client who had been abused. He did hypnotic therapy with her every February for years just to let her unconscious know after the winter comes spring. October Man is just the opposite – taking control of a female, from fall to winter. There are many evil techniques in seduction, many sections promoting female sex slavery, brainwashing, psychical, sexual and emotional abuse. I’ve seen first hand and personally been involved with this community for many years and I have zero tolerance for disrespect towards others, specially females. Objectifying is bad enough, anyone who’s using abuse techniques to promote their work deserves to be outcast from the community or even the country – flat out. We don’t tolerate racism, we shouldn’t tolerate misogyny, All people should be treated with respect. It’s that easy.

You also can’t control the entire world and there will always be bad guys so it’s best to educate everyone for self betterment, enhancing relationships and also protection.

Luke: He is! Yeah, I know what you mean and agree. Where there’s light, there’s darkness. Unfortunately, one can’t exist without the other. Remember both techniques being mentioned in The Game, N. Strauss’s book. Familiar with NLP and Hypnosis as they were both taught in lectures throughout a course I took on campus. The ethical dilemmas and authenticity issues are prevalently in existence. To name some- hypnosis can implement memories in that otherwise naturally somebody wouldn’t have or on the upside (including NLP) can have wondrous therapeutic success especially when stresses and habits are involved. In NLP, don’t find the eye gazing tells in relation to deception red flags being effective. Rather observe and deduce facial expressions, body language, and verbal communication once seeing things in clusters and establishing congruence or picking up on inconsistencies (verbal and nonverbal) and checking out the context in the way communication is being displayed. Anyways, great to know and see like-minded and moral beings that don’t tolerate abuse in any size, shape, or form are around to speak up and take action, especially in a world where things appear to be mostly surrounded by manipulative practitioners. Intolerating bad, ugly, evil (however one describes such) brings out the social justice activists in our humanity! Absolutely, respect and integrity. We’re all human beings wanting and needing to connect on such deeper levels that we must remember the golden rule (rule of thumb) which is Respectfulness.

Lady Electric: It’s a pleasure, Luke. Hope someday we cross paths, would be nice to meet you in person. You have a fantastic smile by the way!

Luke: It’s an honour to have spoken about this with you from all sides of the spectrum in terms of the dark and good sides (pros and cons). What if the industry, and its services were strictly and professionally regulated by investigators and other moral/ethical officials to the highest degree? Also, what advice do you have for those that know of this social universe and are reluctant to seek the services and goods provided by the professionals they approach? The hesitant decision may be due to what he or she heard in terms of the ethical dilemmas. Otherwise, they would have quickly sought out help to improve and evolve themselves, their lifestyles and relationships. He or she as the customer being the shy, awkward, introverted, or oblivious and good person type or those looking to gain social and communications to more fulfilling relationships whether that be romantic to deeply loving kinds at any stage. Including those that want to be the best version of themselves and are struggling on how to go about accomplishing and maintaining their authenticity because they’re stuck in the deadly comfort zone or they don’t seem to be moving forward in any way. By the way, thanks for the compliment.

Lady Electric: I know it is already somewhat regulated and should be even more so, but as far as moral to the highest degree this becomes a bit tricky or complicated. It’s all about intent. It might be okay to perhaps be somewhat unethical in certain circumstances if it’s for the greater good. For example, if one wants to quit smoking, causing them to feel sick when they inhale cigarette smoke might be considered unethical but it could be an effective measure if they have tried every other method and failed. I don’t think you can generalize and say “as long as you leave the person better off than when you found them”. I think it greatly depends on the situation and the people involved.
As for advice on people reluctant to learn (like my mother haha), I say perhaps it’s not for everyone but understanding is protection. Since it can and is often used as psychological weaponry, used by the media, sales, lawyers, politicians, military etc., becoming more and more common these days, learning is our only defense.
Also enhancing communication skills are only going to better ones life in all areas. It should be taught in high-school, as a life skills-communications course. Useful skills students can apply to everyday life no matter what direction they decide to go in afterwards.
As far as ethical dilemmas, I really like this question. It’s important because I think almost everyone starting out has to cross this barrier because most of us have been taught since we were children that manipulation is wrong/bad. However, if you are gifting people positive suggestions or causing them to enhance their lives you are doing them a great benefit. It’s all about *intent. You decide how you will use it, which is essential to understand because I want my students to feel good about what they are doing. Feeling good will give them extra motivation to learn, practice and get out there, putting their skills in motion in real life circumstances.
For shy, introverted people or for people with social anxiety, there are many ways to overcome this and be more opened/outgoing but by far the best way is simply putting yourself out there. Talking to a few new people everyday, even if it’s just hi with a smile or small chat about the weather, and realizing it’s just a numbers game because no matter how wonderful someone is they will not get along with everyone. The more one does this though, the easier it gets. Usually everyone feels a bit awkward at first but it doesn’t take long for people to become confident talking to strangers or even publicly and it’s a skill worthwhile developing because humans are naturally social creatures – the more interpersonal relationships we have the more enhanced our lives tend to be, so this type of social confidence can really change ones life.
As for people wanting to be their best versions of themselves start of by defining or creating a map of exactly where you are at and where you want to be. Don’t worry about how you will get there at first, just focus on where you want to go. That’s the biggest step. Often that’s enough because our subconscious will figure out the route for us on it’s own if it knows the target. However you can further this by setting small achievable goals that will get you there. I’m also a big fan of “fake it till you make it” attitude. Just pretend or take a ten minutes daily visualizing how you want things to be for yourself. You’ll be amazed how well this works, how little effort it takes and how fun it is too! =}

Luke: Wow, multiple sound advice right there! Absolutely agree that it’s all about intent and of one’s state of mind and actions for prosperity. Some those that become committed and passionate practitioners do become very confident and competent in their life. I believe it transcends beyond pick up, attraction, seduction, social interactions and certain principles can be applied throughout any interactions that involves human beings connecting and communicating with each other. The learned and developed communication skills can definitely be applied appropriately and universally in any context.
You said early that you worked directly with the community, some of the professionals (instructors) and in numerous of countries. What were your positions? If you call yourself a PUA, is that what your position was? Or, do you refer to some other terminology? I.e. Dating/Relationship/Life Coach, Body Language/Communications Expert, or other.

Lady Electric: 7 year contract with old Josh Reffries, plus been training since age 12. I can’t really talk about our contract yet but I had the position of female superhero or secret agent spy, doing vigilante work. Not all glitz and glamour though, taking down dangerous criminals the police wouldn’t be able to catch. Vince Kelvin, Bad Boy, Nathan Shapiro, Jersey Boy PUA, Anthony Jacquin, Vince Lynch and Headhacking, Harry Nichols, Justin Tranz, Anthony Cools, Marc Savard, Jake Shannon, Bob The Hypno Hammer, Richard Anthony, Igor A. Ledochowski, hundreds of others, too many to list, Like Helen of Troy, 1000’s ships at my command. Haha, like my own hypno army! It’s not my intent to come off as bragging but it’s true. I have yet to meet anyone with a life more exciting than mine. Not an easy job though, I’m happy to retire. You can see why I feel so strongly about morals when it comes to persuasion.

I usually don’t tell people I’m a super hero. I go by dating coach, teach communications, sales. I downplay as much as possible cause it tends to make people uncomfortable until I start getting into the techniques, then they are usually hooked, but there are some who just don’t want anything to do with it and will resist as much as possible. I’m usually impressed with people resist me, makes me smile.

Just want to be clear Reffries isn’t a good guy, he had me tortured for years “getting the bad guys”, luckily hypnotist community are on my side, not all PUAs are evil as hell but in my experience most are. Kezia Noble and most respectable coaches like Johnny Soporno distance themselves from PUA’s. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5shi5cBamMc

Luke: That’s a lot of people. Yes, I noticed a lot of people are either very interested or very resistant of learning about it prior to the techniques or when they are discussed. Kezia Noble does seem to be legitimate and she sees herself as a coach not a PUA. Interesting interview with Johnny.

Thank You for the Interview, Lady Electric!

Here’s Lady Electric’s Comments on an article posted on a news website regarding The Ethical dilemma’s of Pick Up Artistry

1. As a female who’s been directly involved in the Pick Up Artist community for many years and has also experienced this type of abuse first hand from some members, I don’t want to see Canadians support Violence Against Women, domestic abuse or any other type hate groups. Unfortunately this type of thing is all too common in the PUA community, which is now very large, yes it’s a global mini-subculture of people using advanced psychology techniques. The PUA community doesn’t have to be a mean, degrading, hate filled group. I would like to see both men and women benefit from learning how to communicate effectively, exploring the psychology of sexual views in society, how we get along, etc. The misogynists/abusers are giving the community a bad name and it should fight to protect its reputation, appealing to the public to attract new members so everyone has the benefit of learning how to better themselves and relationships with one another in a healthy, positive way. It’s important Canadians show zero tolerance for violence towards any person. We are a safe country, proud to put humanity first, that’s one of the many traits that makes Canada so wonderful.

2. The term “pick up” is ambiguous and really what does the name have to do with the price of tea in china? Pick Up is simply a technology that can be used for either good or bad depending on ones intent. As for manipulating people (or ourselves to get a response) we do it all the time, consciously or unconsciously. But I bet if anyone had to speak publicly they would do what they could knowingly to make sure the speech went well. Eye contact with the audience, a warm smile, good posture, maybe a joke here or there. We dress up nice to go to work, learn manners so people think of us as polite. What’s the difference? This subject teaches people (often ones who genuinely struggle) a more effective way to interact or communicate. Personally I think everyone should learn the skills, for protection (yes these techniques are used in sales and marketing all the time – *buy now you should be getting my point haha), with all the swindling and seducing learning for protection seems intelligent but more importantly we can all better ourselves by learning how to communicate more effectively. Believe it or not, being a good listener, paying close attention on how to read people, not just communicating what you want to get across but understanding how it’s being interpreted, are all skills most people just don’t naturally possess, we need to learn them. We can’t just throw out the baby with the bath water, there’s insightful information in the Pick Up community that helps a lot of people for the better, stronger communications skills can lead to more fulfilling relationships. That’s why it’s such a shame abusers are ruining it for the public.

The Eightfold Path of Attraction and Social Confidence

The Eightfold Path are 8 Principles of  Buddhism to Enlightenment and Awareness

Mind over Matter. If anything, The Mind comes first and then techniques come last.

These Principles can be applied to leadership, attraction, seduction, social interactions (romantic, sexual, platonic, professional intentions), confidence, inner peace, and building one’s own personal, professional and social growth in the mind and of an individual’s lifestyle.

1. Right View: Having the right understand and moral/ethical perspectives of oneself and others both internally and externally. Right View means holding no view and having no idea (being open-minded). Put down all your thinking, opinions, and see this world exactly as it is. Realize that we’re all human and wanting to connect with ourselves and others deeply. Also, think about why you do want or need something? Reflect on your authentic, genuine, honest, sincere motivations and aspirations.

2. Right Thought: We all have our opinions, thoughts, biases, perspectives, experiences, emotions and are often very attached to them. We have strong dislikes and likes. We are also attached to our condition and situation. “I’m a woman.”, “I’m a man.”, etc. When we hold onto these conditions, we can’t completely connect with this world and all the human beings. We only see this small “I, my, me” world we have made, and we can’t help others. (Refer to Ego Suspension as a one of the Build Rapport Principles to get more detail on it). Right Thought means not becoming attached to any views, not holding our opinion, condition, and situation, and only keeping a before-thinking mind that spontaneously wants to help all beings. Think less, Use Unattached Emotions. Your before-thinking mind is your substance; my before-thinking mind is my substance. Then your substance, my substance, and this whole universe’s substance are the same substance. However, that point is before thinking. If you attain that before-thinking mind, your mind is clear like space. Then you perceive that you are the same as all beings, and true thinking can appear by itself. You no longer harbor thoughts of selfish desire, ill will or malice. The name for this is wisdom.

3. Right Speech: Many people are attached to their tongue. This tongue is very fascinating. We have two eyes, two ears, and two nostrils. Why do we only have one mouth and one tongue? This mouth has a very big job! It’s always eating and talking, nonstop. It always desires some good feeling- from food, drink or from the pleasure of making lots and lots of speech. Most of our strongest attachments come from the desires of this tongue. Not so many attachments come from our ears, nostrils or eyes. Perhaps, if we have another mouth and tongue, our life would be much easier, because then this one month and tongue wouldn’t feel they always have to do so many things all the time. However, this tongue already causes many, many problems for this world, so we’re lucky not to have another one. In fact, one could say that, of our five primary senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and sense of touch), when we’re not careful this tongue causes the most suffering for ourselves and for this world. Control this tongue and all its desires. In Zen, “The tongue has no bone.” This is because what one says and does (actions) aren’t congruent.

4. Right Action: Talk is Cheap. Action is Quality and of Value. Use the tongue to help others with clear, compassionate, leadership quality, confident, charismatic speech. Action comes from our mind and returns to our mind. Whatever one does in the world is a reflection of our thinking. This is sometimes called the path of precepts. He taught that we shouldn’t take any life to produce heedlessness. Whenever we do something, if we are thinking, that action becomes Karma. We create a kind of mental habit for that action. If we don’t do good things, we naturally make bad Karma. However, if we only try to do good things for other people, then we make Bodhisattva Karma. This is action that only tries to serve other people. Right Action means always being aware of how our actions affect other beings, because that also affects our mind. This is why Right Action is sometimes, interpreted as Right Karma.

5. Right Livelihood (Lifestyle and Objectives: Everybody has two jobs, goals, objectives in life. Our inside work is keeping clear mind. Our outside work is cutting off selfish desires and helping others. Saying this is one thing, yet how do we actually do it? We have jobs. Some person’s job is to go and work in an office to make money; another person’s job is to live in a temple and teach other people. However, how does this outside job help other beings? Is this work done only for me, only for my family, or for all beings? It’s certainly true that in this world, everyone has to make money. However, many people’s work entails killing many animals, or polluting the air and water. This is not so good. Selling alcohol, drugs, explosives, or guns to other people only makes more and more bad Karma. It can’t help this world at all. Even if one is doing this to make money to help their family, in the end one will only add suffering to this world, just in order to get money. Be careful: in this world, cause and effect are always very, very! So, Buddha taught that we must have jobs that don’t hurt this world. As I said before, the most important thing is, Why Do this or that? If you ask this question, then your Right Livelihood becomes very clear.

6. Right Effort (Energy): Always trying hard in your meditation and spiritual practices. Sick or healthy, busy or free, tired or rested, it doesn’t matter. Only try, try, try, nonstop! Only do it. That’s all!

7. Right Mindfulness (Presence): How do you keep your mind, right now? Just as a ray continues out from one point to another to make a straight line, how you keep your mind in this very moment makes your whole life. Many people only follow their thinking, their desire, anger, and ignorance. So, they get suffering in situations after situations. However, if one wakes up right now, one gets happiness. Which one do you like? Happiness is a choice. It’s a decision that one makes internally to better their presence, their present and future. The name for this “wake up” is sometimes called paying attention. The Buddha called it the Right Mindfulness.

8. Right Meditation (Clarity): Correct Meditation is the most important thing that one can do to wake up, be enlightened and aware. Right Meditation means from moment to moment keeping a not-moving mind. In any situation and any condition, keep a mind that’s clear like space, yet that functions as meticulously as the tip of a needle. Some people think the point of meditation is just to experience some kind of “peace mind”. They only like stillness and quiet. Finding quiet in the quiet isn’t true quiet. Quiet in the noisy is true quiet. Yes, having a quiet place to meditate is desirable. However, we shouldn’t become attached to a quiet experience alone, because life isn’t always like this. If your mind isn’t moving, then even the loudest and busiest areas are beautifully Zen. There are also people who think that correct meditation just has to do with doing very had sitting meditation practice. However, doing this alone isn’t complete meditation practice. This kind of thinking is attachment to body-sitting. True Meditation means correct mind-sitting: regardless of condition or situation, how do you keep your mind, right now? That makes your life. If your mind is clear, the whole universe is clear. If your mind isn’t clear, the whole universe isn’t clear. That’s a very important premise. So doing strong meditation is important. Having a good sitting practice is very, very important. On the other hand, the most important point of all this is cutting off all attachment to thinking and returning to your before-thinking mind. “What am I? Only don’t know…” Can you do that in every condition and situation, off the cushion as well as on it? If you can do this while driving, that’s driving meditation. If you do it while eating, that’s eating meditation. If you can do it while cleaning your house, that’s working meditation. **Apply meditation to the relationship with yourself and others.**

True Meditation and Spiritual Practices means keeping a great question: only, “What or Whom Am I?”

It’s good to control your breathing. Breathe in slowly and breathe out slowly. Your exhalation should be a little more than twice as long as the inhalation. If you breathe in and out very slowly, one can more easily cut off all thinking and not be attached to the coming and going of your mind. Over time, your energy comes down, down, down into your central core, and you can better control your feelings and emotions. Through all of this, however, it’s important to emphasize that true meditation isn’t bodily posture. It’s how one keeps their mind, from moment to moment, in the midst of any daily activity.

Source: The Compass of Zen- Zen Master Seung Sahn, Foreword by Stephen Mitchell

Applications: Applied Eightfold Path Models to the Human Mind, Completing Objectives, achieving leadership success, being socially confidence, developing personal growth through charisma.