The First Interview about The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation!! 🙂
In the World of Dating, Courtship, Attraction, Seduction, Love, and Relationships, a common phrase exists: “Nice Guys/Girls Finish Last.” This mentality is also known as the Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome.
Search Nice Guy Syndrome on Urban Dictionary
So, let’s tackle the dilemma of “Nice People” to arrive at the conclusion of whether it’s true or false. What does that “Nice” mean? Firstly, nice, alone can be vague without adjectives and details to describe what is nice.
Check out Nice Guys Finish Last Music Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xfeys7Jfnx8
For the sake of this discussion and article in defining the concept of Niceness, Nice is divided into two terms. Nice may mean different things to oneself and others.
Kezia Noble’s Video On Nice Guys, Good Guys, and Bad Guys. Be THE GOOD GUY! 😉 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xY3yC4Z8sqE
Check NO! The first type of “Nice” is a euphemism for neediness, overly insecure, weak, having ulterior motives/agendas, being passive or passive-aggressive, or overly aggressive, entitlement mentality which aren’t desirable traits for being dating, courting, relationship material. Thus, “Nice” is NOT really Nice when used to describe what one really means. Example of “Nice”: Attempt to buy another’s affection through gifts, presents, superficial materials, etc.
Picture: Google Image Search- Nice Guy Syndrome: See Picture that says: How to Spot a Nice Guy
“Being your true authentic self is your most attractive self. Us being us is our real attractive self. In fact, us being real, us being authentic is the only truly seductive thing there is. Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.” -Zan Perrion
Check Yes! The second type of Nice (aka. The Good) means being Nice without any ulterior motives/agendas. In other words, being nice without expecting anything else in return (also known as. Old school Chivalry) is what being Nice truly is. Example of The Genuine Nice: Gets to know a potential suitor (person one is interested in, attracted to, respects and values).
Watch Jenna Marble’s Nice Guys Do NOT Finish Last Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3VXXXX9iVPI
“Nice” do finish last while The Nice can finish first!
In order to be in a successful loving and mature relationship with others, one must love themselves entirely including their imperfections. Embrace Yourself through Complete Honesty, Sincerity, and Authenticity!
Self-Love, Self-Respect, Knowing and Applying one’s Self-Worth through Beliefs, Values, and Actions are very important in being a Man or Woman, Leader, and most importantly, a human being that can be an optimistic role model.
The Nice can date, court, attract, and seduce the one he or she is interested in, attracted to, values, and respects. However, being genuinely nice is NOT enough. People, Men or Women of all Sexual Orientations and other backgrounds, want their partner, lover, significant other, close friend to be a supporter and nurturer in the relationships they have with each other. Desirable traits in friendships, romantic relationships and of other types includes: Confidence, Assertiveness, Gentleness, Sensitivity, Charisma, Clean Humour, Maturity, Morals, Ethics, Passion, Determination, Personal/Social Competence, Strength, Courage, Ambition, Experience, Wisdom, Intelligence, Altruism, and so forth.
To become really successful in life in all aspects, communication, social, leadership and motivational skills while living a valuable principled life is a must. So, To Be Interesting, Be Interested!
“Be a man of value rather than a man of success.” –Albert Einstein
Life is too short as the saying goes. Also, there’s no right time. Make time and live life to the fullest in the moment as if there’s no tomorrow. Carpe Diem and Create The Opportunities through Holistic and Interdisciplinary Approaches of Altruism! Say what you really feel and do what you truly feel! Say more than just Hello to the Person you not only are attracted to, interested in or desire, however, more importantly to the one that you value, respect, and love passionately by not only words since actions demonstrate purpose and meaning. Be Your Best Self!
Lessons to Achieve and Learn
Learn Emotional Awareness (Facial Expressions; Micro, Macro, False, Masked), Social Skills through Influence, Persuasion, Personality, Character, Charisma, The Arts and Sciences of Attraction, Social Dynamics, Seduction, Social Structures: Proxemics (Space and Body Positioning), Haptics (Touch), Kinesics (Physical Gestures and Body Movement), Vocalics ((Paralanguage), Chronemics (Structure and Use of Time in Nonverbal Communication) and so forth. In addition: Read, Learn, Practice, Evolve Intelligently with Effectiveness and Quality.
“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” -Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)
Too often in society and mainstream media, we hear phrases such as: Boys will be Boys, Boys and Men do NOT cry, Males don’t express themselves, Expressive Men are cowards and not masculine, Men are supposed to be aggressive, muscular, athletic and so forth. You get the point. Stereotypes and Generalizations are clearly prevalent here under lack of critical thinking and not realizing or acknowledging that people of the same background can be different.
To respond and to know that those absurd words involves ridiculous thinking and full of ignorance and sometimes arrogance, forget the lies.
Just like many things and other beings, Men come in all sizes, shapes, forms, and from all diverse backgrounds. Expressive Men have feminine traits while being masculine just as those with other sexual orientations besides being heterosexual are men and masculine too. Non-muscular, athletic, sad, crying men are masculine men.
Yoda from Star Wars once said, “You must unlearn what you have learned.”
External Factors: Society and Media continue to brainwash us with misconceptions, stereotypes, generalizations, and deception that people are to labeled as objects and seen as if they are all the same apples. In reality, some are apples while others can be sweet apples, juicy oranges, tropical mango, shining bananas, etc. Painting everybody as the same picture is intellectually, ethically, and morally unsound. Every Single Individual is UNIQUE in their own way both naturally and through the journey of nurture, personal/social/professional growth! 🙂 Believe It, Practice It, and Own It! Empower and Transform Yourself Into Your Best Self for the right reasons!
To Empower Yourself and Others is to be AUTHENTIC by accepting your true emotions whether you may be sad, angry, happy, perplexed, flabbergasted, or disgusted. In other words, when one feels sad, be sad. When one feels angry, be angry. When one feels happy, be happy. So be Genuine, Sincere, and Authentic when expressing oneself alone or when one is with others.
To be feeling down, is more than okay to be sad, angry, and in tears, and vulnerable. Heck, as boys and men, after all, ARE HUMAN as well. We are HUMAN.
To suffer, to be vulnerable, to be impotent, is to be human who becomes a leader with the abilities to be courageous, have strength, and living a principled, ethical, moral, and fulfilling life.
VULNERABILITY = COURAGE and STRENGTH
As for Men and Women of all beings, each and every one of us, holds feminine and masculine personality traits which is taught in Family Studies 101. Also, we intuitively know that in our minds.
Question and Challenge some Assumptions in Social Norms, Taboos, Stereotypical Gender Roles
If a man is more feminine both in personality or looks, that doesn’t make him any less masculine. Heck, to be more feminine, in itself, takes Courage and Strength. Also, men that belong to other sexual orientation besides heterosexuality too, are masculine and men of Courage and Strength. Men who don’t fit the conventional profile of being masculine, are still men, masculine, and most importantly: Human Beings.
Through Value, Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion, Respect, and Integrity in Verbal and Nonverbal Communication we can practice and embody a life with Principles, Ethics, Morals, Empowerment and Authentic Transformation as Honest, Sincere, Trustworthy, Genuine Leaders.
List for Suggestions towards Empowerment and Transformation:
Self-Awareness, Affirmations (Positive Self Talk), Discipline, Mindfulness, Spiritual Journey, Meditation, Being Engaged in your Communities, Social Capital: Bonding (Similarities) and Bridging (Differences) with self and others, Tapping- Emotional Freedom Techniques, Talking Cure- venting/ranting with or to those that care about you and those whom you care about, Therapeutic Exercises/Counseling, Healthy Living: Health and Wellness- Mental Health, Nutrition and Exercise, Love, Complete Acceptance while simultaneously evolving oneself and helping others do the same. **Everybody has their own way of empowering and transforming themselves and others.** To find what works, go through series of trials and errors. One can mix these recommendations by using multiple of these techniques for relieving stress to empower and transform self and others. Exercising holistic and interdisciplinary approaches to relieve stress while going through the journey of transformation is beautiful.
Self-Awareness: Consciousness of Self (Aware of One’s Strengths, Weaknesses- one’s entire being/sense of self) > Self-Conscious (Focusing on Insecurities)
Tapping Emotional Freedom Technique
In personality psychology, locus of control refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events affecting them. Understanding of the concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954, and has since become an aspect of personality studies. Essentially, the Locus of Control is about things one can control and others that are out of one’s control.
Check this article out on Locus of Control. http://psychcentral.com/encyclopedia/2009/locus-of-control/
Please contact the Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation for further resources on therapeutic approaches to relieving stresses all the while being one’s best self! Email: firstname.lastname@example.org or contact us through the FB Page.
Firstly, this is NOT a story about feeling miserable about being Asian while going through life with stereotypes, racism, and having the victim mentality (NOT a real victim). This is far from feeling sorry for oneself or other fellow Asians. It’s a message about conflict, change, growth, and empowerment. So, let’s get started.
Throughout history and contemporary times, Asians have become the highest rate in America to be more likely than any other racial/cultural groups to be victims and survivors of abuse and bullying perpetuated from their peers. In my own experiences and of many others, we have noticed that internalized and externalized prejudice about Asians has been prevalent in both the U.S.A. and Canada. Even positive stereotypes and generalizations can be malicious due to lack of understanding, personalizing, and humanizing people on an independent case by case basis.
That has to all change for the better through holistic approaches to achieve progress while going through a selective and diverse journey to succeed and lead towards empowering not only ourselves that go through discrimination but every single one of us since we’re ALL HUMAN. Discussions and Actions for Growth must be congruent and established through our consciousness of self or also known as: The Discipline of Self-Awareness!
Fellow Asians! Take Charge and Be in Control of Your Own Lives rather than complying with society and media to allow them to dehumanize and degrade us. Fight The Good Fight! The Bad, The Ugly, and The Evil may win the battle, however,
We win the war against evil by decisions we make for ourselves whether our empowering actions are unconsciously or consciously committed.
Us, Asians, aren’t exactly positively both historically and contemporarily represented well in the mainstream media of the Western world, especially in the department for being a prospect of dating or relationship material. The latest Oscars have shown that there’s clear lack of diversity within the media/entertainment industry and in rewards ceremonies.
These are many of the following [whether good or bad] ridiculous comments we hear again and again and continuously throughout our lives from the general public:
Asians are physically small [this racial slur is worse for fellow, Asian Men] which sub communicates the label of being weak and submissive and sexually incompetent and incompatible.
Asians eat dogs [Misinformed Assumptions that everybody does the same thing, lack of cultural education due to ignorance and sometimes, arrogance]
Asian Women are Submissive [Media portrays them as dehumanized beings- i.e. sex objects]
Asian Men have small penises [implies that AM are sexually weak and unconfident based on generalizations and presumptions]
Asians are good at math, are computer geeks, nerds, good at video games, knows martial arts and self-defense, are well educated, socially awkward, rich, don’t like nor date non-Asian people.
Asians are always indifferent also known as poker faced (non-expressive).
Asians always look furious.
Logical Reasoning: Flawed vs. Factual
It’s understandable that assumptions are innately within us to a certain degree. However, there are two types of assumptions: 1. Misinformed Assumptions [without any existing legitimate and supporting evidence] which results with conjecture and 2. Educated Guesses or Informative Assumptions [With prior insightful knowledge to support a premise and a conclusion] thus resulting in a factual premise and sometimes conclusive outcome. In order for deductive [general to specific premises/conclusions] reasoning to work effectively, there must be complete solid evidence to support a premise and conclusion. Same applies to inductive [specific to general] reasoning to a certain degree.
Example of Deductive Reasoning:
A is B
B is C
Therefore, A is C.
Human Nature’s Irrationality and Need to be Ignorant
Generalizations form because as human beings we like to know things even when we don’t and they may be heavily flawed due to our Ego and having the explanations comforts us rather than suffering from the fear of the unknown even if we’re wrong and arrogant. No wonder the saying, “Ignorance is bliss.” exists. With that being said, I respectfully disagree with the argument that unconventional yet effective wisdom is Bliss.
Higher Purpose, Meaning, Education, Altruism and Free of Judgment
In a well developed world and if one’s provided with the resources for education and learning, there’s no excuse to be ignorant, generalizing, and stereotyping people with labels and misleading information despite irrationality to be part of human nature. Through nurture, high value and intelligent individuals put themselves on a higher purpose and makes themselves accountable for their actions while helping others evolve too.
WE’RE HUMAN, NOT OBJECTS!!
As an Asian and more importantly as a human being, all those comments are intellectually absurd. NOT everybody is the same. In the world, everybody and anybody in any world and everywhere, there are apples, oranges, mangos, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, and watermelons.
Here’s two books on the Myth of The Model Minority: Asian Americans Facing Racism (First and Second Editions) and Asian American Sexual Politics: The Construction of Race, Gender, and Sexuality. http://rosalindschou.weebly.com/publications.html
Be sure to check out and share my first published article called The Journey of My Cultural Identity with The Good Men Project! http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/the-journey-of-my-cultural-identity-wcz/
Here’s my second article about the personal growth, relationships, and life coaching universe regarding those involved; The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly! Learn, Develop, and Strengthen Emotional Awareness and Social Intelligence as a skill to enhance one’s leadership abilities throughout diverse parts of his or her’s life wherever people are involved. Utilize your best self and have fulfilling relationships with your families, relatives, friends, colleagues, associates, co-workers, loved ones and others. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/emotional-awareness-social-intelligence-wcz/
Malicious intent and bullying turned Luke Park into a champion of social justice and relationship coaching. http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/confessionsoftheunderdogandthrivingsurvivor-wcz/
“There is nothing noble in being superior to your fellow man; true nobility is being superior to your former self.” –Ernest Hemingway
Stay tuned for future published articles on The Good Men Project http://goodmenproject.com and here on my Word Press! 🙂
“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face…We must do that which we think we cannot.” -Eleanor Roosevelt
The following lists are sources I’ve read or observed and are in standard high value to improve one’s Skills, Perspectives, and Long-term Experiences in Personal Growth, Emotional Awareness (Facial Expressions- Micro, Macro, Mask, False), Social and Communication Skills, and have a continuously evolved understanding of what makes us, humans, us, why and how so. More importantly, to lead and succeed in diverse areas of life and relationships, one must have a confident, firm, authentic belief system and apply the knowledge and wisdom that’s provided by professionals through their services.
The List of Recommended Sources:
Law of Attraction: The Science of Attracting More of What You Want and Less of What You Don’t by Michael J. Losier (Author of Law of Connection)
Outliers: The Story of Success by Malcolm Gladwell (his other books such as The Tipping Point and Blink are great reads well)
The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease
The Alabaster Girl by Zan Perrion (Ars Amorata- The Art of Love)
The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick Up Artists by Neil Strauss which is a memoir (Check out Rules of The Game as it’s a practical exercise manual too)
The Art of War by Sun Tzu
Leadership: Theory, Application, & Skill Development by Robert N. Lussier and Christopher F. Achua
Persuasion: Social Influence and Compliance Gaining by Robert H. Gass and John S. Seiter
Focus: The Hidden Driver of Excellence by Daniel Goleman
Models: Attract Women through Honesty- Mark Manson
All of Dr. Paul Ekman’s Books and Recommendations http://www.paulekman.com/books/ He’s the leading and most creditable psychologist on deception, emotions, nonverbal communication and more.
The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho
Liespotting by Pamela Meyer http://liespotting.com/
The Compass of Zen by Zen Master, Seung Sahn and Foreword by Stephen Mitchell
Split-Second Persuasion by Keven Dutton
Webs of Influence: The Psychology of Online Persuasion by Nathalie Nahai, The Web Psychologist http://websofinfluence.com/
Hot Sex Tips, Tricks, and Licks by Dr. Jess O’Reilly, Speaker, Author, TV Personality and Sexologist http://www.sexwithdrjess.com/
First Date Formula by Ben J and JT Tran, I Did It My Way by Jt Tran, Online Dating for Asian Men by JT Tran and Alice Zindagi http://www,abcsofattraction.com and http://www.jttran.com (Applicable to all races and cultures)
50 Powerful Date Ideas by Jordan Gray (Author of 7 Relationship Mistakes) http://jordangrayconsulting.com/blog/
Social Man Project by Myke Macapinlac http://socialmanproject.com
Online Magazine of Good Men Project by Every Day People and Professionals, Writers and Editors http://goodmenproject.com/
Men’s Health Magazine http://www.menshealth.com/
Ask Men http://ca.askmen.com/
Style Life by Neil Strauss (Style) http://web.stylelife.com/
Venusian Arts by Erik James Horvat-Markovic (Erik von Markovic or Mystery) http://www.venusianarts.com/ Watch his show, VH1 The Pick Up Artist Season 1 and 2. Get Hola Unblocker App. (internet use outside country of origin) if required.
Ethical Pickup by Crew Spence http://ethicalpickup.com/
Doctor Nerd Love http://www.doctornerdlove.com/
Attraction Explained by Adam Lyons http://www.attractionexplained.com
Double Your Dating by David DeAngelo http://www.doubleyourdating.com
Anthony Robbins http://www.tonyrobbins.com
Art of Manliness http://www.artofmanliness.com
The Art of Charm by Jordan Harbinger and AJ Harbinger http://theartofcharm.com
Social Engineering by Chris Hadnagy http://www.social-engineer.org and http://www.social-engineer.com Check out books: Social Engineering: The Art of Human Hacking and Unmasking the Social Engineer: The Human Element of Security
Seduction Sirens by Arden Leigh http://seductionsirens.com
Dating Advice (Seek Advice, Not an online dating service) http://www.datingadvice.com
Dating Skills Review: Men’s Source for Dating, Sex, and Relationship Advice http://www.datingskillsreview.com/
Science of Relationships http://www.scienceofrelationships.com
Kissing Outside The Lines by Diane Farr http://www.kissingoutsidethelines.com/
Female Dating Expert for Men, Kezia Noble http://www.kezia-noble.com
Wing Girl Method by Marni Kinrys http://www.winggirlmethod.com/
Ted Talks http://www.ted.com
Authentic Man Program http://authenticmanprogram.com/blog/
Charismatic Arts http://www.charismaarts.com
Comments of Neil Strauss Interview http://www.feministe.us/blog/archives/2011/03/25/i-totally-interviewed-the-worlds-most-famous-pickup-artist/
Interview with Neil Strauss, Journalist and PUA http://www.timeout.com/chicago/sex-dating/pickup-artist-neil-strauss-interview
Pickup Advice for Shy Guys http://goodmenproject.com/guy-talk/more-pickup-advice-for-shy-guys/
Swoon: Great Seducers and Why Women Love Them by Betsy Prioleau [or Elizabeth Stevens Prioleau]
Sexual Intelligence: What We Really Want from Sex and How to Get It by Marty Klein
Deeper Dating: How to Drop the Games of Seduction and Discover The Power of Intimacy by Ken Page
If you have any other suggestions to add, leave a message underneath this post in the comments below and I’ll check them out.
Society focuses too much on the differences of men and women aka the battle between the sexes. As an individual whose done more than a fair amount of research into attraction, seduction, relationships, dating, courtship, pick up, emotional awareness, social engineering, psychology, social dynamics, social justice and social intelligence, I can tell you with absolute assurance that men and women are more alike even when we don’t realize it. Yes, sure, genders are different physically and the way they perceive things and so forth. However, what we fundamentally need and desire are the same underneath all the surfaces and verbal communication. Universally, people of high value and quality, desire deeper connections, personality, energy, character, similarities, differences, cultural diversity, acceptance, love, passion, morals/ethics, principles, determination, experiences, challenges, leading lifestyles, mental/emotional/sexual/spiritual/religious/social compatibilities. Not all of them may apply. Case by case may be different although all those are the foundations to human connections and intimacy.
Treat Others the way you treat yourself, families, relatives, friends, co-workers, colleagues, associates, and so forth. We’re all human that want to connect deeply.
Mind over Matter. If anything, The Mind comes first and then techniques come last.
These Principles can be applied to leadership, attraction, seduction, social interactions (romantic, sexual, platonic, professional intentions), confidence, inner peace, and building one’s own personal, professional and social growth in the mind and of an individual’s lifestyle.
1. Right View: Having the right understand and moral/ethical perspectives of oneself and others both internally and externally. Right View means holding no view and having no idea (being open-minded). Put down all your thinking, opinions, and see this world exactly as it is. Realize that we’re all human and wanting to connect with ourselves and others deeply. Also, think about why you do want or need something? Reflect on your authentic, genuine, honest, sincere motivations and aspirations.
2. Right Thought: We all have our opinions, thoughts, biases, perspectives, experiences, emotions and are often very attached to them. We have strong dislikes and likes. We are also attached to our condition and situation. “I’m a woman.”, “I’m a man.”, etc. When we hold onto these conditions, we can’t completely connect with this world and all the human beings. We only see this small “I, my, me” world we have made, and we can’t help others. (Refer to Ego Suspension as a one of the Build Rapport Principles to get more detail on it). Right Thought means not becoming attached to any views, not holding our opinion, condition, and situation, and only keeping a before-thinking mind that spontaneously wants to help all beings. Think less, Use Unattached Emotions. Your before-thinking mind is your substance; my before-thinking mind is my substance. Then your substance, my substance, and this whole universe’s substance are the same substance. However, that point is before thinking. If you attain that before-thinking mind, your mind is clear like space. Then you perceive that you are the same as all beings, and true thinking can appear by itself. You no longer harbor thoughts of selfish desire, ill will or malice. The name for this is wisdom.
3. Right Speech: Many people are attached to their tongue. This tongue is very fascinating. We have two eyes, two ears, and two nostrils. Why do we only have one mouth and one tongue? This mouth has a very big job! It’s always eating and talking, nonstop. It always desires some good feeling- from food, drink or from the pleasure of making lots and lots of speech. Most of our strongest attachments come from the desires of this tongue. Not so many attachments come from our ears, nostrils or eyes. Perhaps, if we have another mouth and tongue, our life would be much easier, because then this one month and tongue wouldn’t feel they always have to do so many things all the time. However, this tongue already causes many, many problems for this world, so we’re lucky not to have another one. In fact, one could say that, of our five primary senses (eyes, ears, nose, tongue, and sense of touch), when we’re not careful this tongue causes the most suffering for ourselves and for this world. Control this tongue and all its desires. In Zen, “The tongue has no bone.” This is because what one says and does (actions) aren’t congruent.
4. Right Action: Talk is Cheap. Action is Quality and of Value. Use the tongue to help others with clear, compassionate, leadership quality, confident, charismatic speech. Action comes from our mind and returns to our mind. Whatever one does in the world is a reflection of our thinking. This is sometimes called the path of precepts. He taught that we shouldn’t take any life to produce heedlessness. Whenever we do something, if we are thinking, that action becomes Karma. We create a kind of mental habit for that action. If we don’t do good things, we naturally make bad Karma. However, if we only try to do good things for other people, then we make Bodhisattva Karma. This is action that only tries to serve other people. Right Action means always being aware of how our actions affect other beings, because that also affects our mind. This is why Right Action is sometimes, interpreted as Right Karma.
5. Right Livelihood (Lifestyle and Objectives: Everybody has two jobs, goals, objectives in life. Our inside work is keeping clear mind. Our outside work is cutting off selfish desires and helping others. Saying this is one thing, yet how do we actually do it? We have jobs. Some person’s job is to go and work in an office to make money; another person’s job is to live in a temple and teach other people. However, how does this outside job help other beings? Is this work done only for me, only for my family, or for all beings? It’s certainly true that in this world, everyone has to make money. However, many people’s work entails killing many animals, or polluting the air and water. This is not so good. Selling alcohol, drugs, explosives, or guns to other people only makes more and more bad Karma. It can’t help this world at all. Even if one is doing this to make money to help their family, in the end one will only add suffering to this world, just in order to get money. Be careful: in this world, cause and effect are always very, very! So, Buddha taught that we must have jobs that don’t hurt this world. As I said before, the most important thing is, Why Do this or that? If you ask this question, then your Right Livelihood becomes very clear.
6. Right Effort (Energy): Always trying hard in your meditation and spiritual practices. Sick or healthy, busy or free, tired or rested, it doesn’t matter. Only try, try, try, nonstop! Only do it. That’s all!
7. Right Mindfulness (Presence): How do you keep your mind, right now? Just as a ray continues out from one point to another to make a straight line, how you keep your mind in this very moment makes your whole life. Many people only follow their thinking, their desire, anger, and ignorance. So, they get suffering in situations after situations. However, if one wakes up right now, one gets happiness. Which one do you like? Happiness is a choice. It’s a decision that one makes internally to better their presence, their present and future. The name for this “wake up” is sometimes called paying attention. The Buddha called it the Right Mindfulness.
8. Right Meditation (Clarity): Correct Meditation is the most important thing that one can do to wake up, be enlightened and aware. Right Meditation means from moment to moment keeping a not-moving mind. In any situation and any condition, keep a mind that’s clear like space, yet that functions as meticulously as the tip of a needle. Some people think the point of meditation is just to experience some kind of “peace mind”. They only like stillness and quiet. Finding quiet in the quiet isn’t true quiet. Quiet in the noisy is true quiet. Yes, having a quiet place to meditate is desirable. However, we shouldn’t become attached to a quiet experience alone, because life isn’t always like this. If your mind isn’t moving, then even the loudest and busiest areas are beautifully Zen. There are also people who think that correct meditation just has to do with doing very had sitting meditation practice. However, doing this alone isn’t complete meditation practice. This kind of thinking is attachment to body-sitting. True Meditation means correct mind-sitting: regardless of condition or situation, how do you keep your mind, right now? That makes your life. If your mind is clear, the whole universe is clear. If your mind isn’t clear, the whole universe isn’t clear. That’s a very important premise. So doing strong meditation is important. Having a good sitting practice is very, very important. On the other hand, the most important point of all this is cutting off all attachment to thinking and returning to your before-thinking mind. “What am I? Only don’t know…” Can you do that in every condition and situation, off the cushion as well as on it? If you can do this while driving, that’s driving meditation. If you do it while eating, that’s eating meditation. If you can do it while cleaning your house, that’s working meditation. **Apply meditation to the relationship with yourself and others.**
True Meditation and Spiritual Practices means keeping a great question: only, “What or Whom Am I?”
It’s good to control your breathing. Breathe in slowly and breathe out slowly. Your exhalation should be a little more than twice as long as the inhalation. If you breathe in and out very slowly, one can more easily cut off all thinking and not be attached to the coming and going of your mind. Over time, your energy comes down, down, down into your central core, and you can better control your feelings and emotions. Through all of this, however, it’s important to emphasize that true meditation isn’t bodily posture. It’s how one keeps their mind, from moment to moment, in the midst of any daily activity.
Source: The Compass of Zen- Zen Master Seung Sahn, Foreword by Stephen Mitchell
Applications: Applied Eightfold Path Models to the Human Mind, Completing Objectives, achieving leadership success, being socially confidence, developing personal growth through charisma.