The Myth: Why Boys and Men Don’t Cry

Boys and Men ubiquitously are hurting and crying for help. Parents, Mentors, Role Models, Friends, Families, Colleagues, Co-workers, Significant others, and others, be there for the boys and men in your life. Be sincere, genuine, caring, honest.

“Takes a village to raise a kid.”
Society says, “Men don’t cry”, “Men aren’t expressive.”, “If boys and men are expressive, they’re cowards, pu**ies”, “Boys will be boys.” STOP conditioning us to be non-express, non-communicative. Nurture us from the ground up when we’re younger. When we’re adults, be kind, support and love us wholesomely.
How traumatic, unhealthy, and immature are those words? Rhetorical.
“It’s easier to raise children than fix broken men.”

Regardless of our backgrounds whether it is gender, race, ethnicity, age, religion, political stances, sexual orientation, education, we’re all HUMAN.

F**k the male patriarchal society. As people, we all have pain, suffering, vulnerabilities, failures, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, plans, goals, objectives, feelings, emotions, beliefs, needs and desires.

Whether boys and men cry, smile, express themselves in any other way, they are still boys and men. They are still human beings that need and want support. Hell, we’re ALL expressive, emotional creatures. Where’s the love? Show the love. Be good, be ethical, be moral, be kind, be gentle, be sensitive, be assertive, be confidence, love oneself in and out entirely and share that love with others.

When I’m in uncomfortable state of vulnerabilities, I utilize meditation, emotional freedom technique (tapping), exposure therapy, talking cure, music therapy, practice martial arts and sports. Do what gives you emotional release.

If you have anxiety, depression or other unhealthy things going on, please seek professional assistance by contacting your physician to see a specialist or call your local hot-line for help!

Here’s a song that may help boys and men see the light during and at the end of the dark tunnel.
Lean On Me, Bill Withers

The Revealing Truth: Signals of Deceptive Behaviour

“The World’s A Stage. We’re all merely players.” -William Shakespeare

I have a lot of problems with articles about Deception Leakage (aka Cues or Tell Tale Signs) that show people are lying through their verbal and non-verbal communication.


“No mortal can keep a secret. If the lips are silent, he chatters with his fingertips; betrayal oozes out of him at every pore.” -Sigmund Freud

Firstly, many signs are similar or identical to those with **anxiety**.

Secondly, many articles fail to mention a baseline is the first step to detecting lies by deducing the distinctions of an individual’s normal and abnormal behaviour.

Thirdly, to read behaviour properly, one has to consider the 3 C Rule: Context, Congruency, Clusters (The Definitive Book of Body Language).

Fourthly, everybody has their own cues (involuntary Expressions) that reveal one is being deceptive.

Fifthly, the American Psychology Association does not support the findings of deception to be fully credible.

Statement Analysis (Interpretation of how words are said or expressed) lacks empirical data to be supported and nor does the Polygraph.

Ironically, the American Polygraph Association, Government and Private Agents do practice Statement Analysis, reading non-verbal communication, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), and believe the Polygraph is 97% accurate provided the examiner knows what one is doing.

“People want to tell you what they’ve done. They want to confess to you. We just have to listen.” -Todd Brown, Detective


 The Truth Will Set You Free but first it will piss you off.

The best ways to know if somebody is lying: Ask the individual to state the events of what happened in chronological order. If he or she did without any trouble, one is being deceptive. Memory doesn’t work in order.

Blinking a lot is another good indicator. Lastly, forming a baseline by asking them questions that they know are true and unrelated to the context or you already know the answer to. For example, what’s your name? Their answer is true. Observe the verbal and non-verbal cues when they tell the truth to determine their behaviour when it’s out of the ordinary.

In addition, if there’s inconsistencies between verbal and non-verbal, rely on the non-verbal [macro and micro, false, masked expressions, tonality alterations, and abnormal body language (Kinesics, Haptics, and Proxemics)] to determine the truth. Most importantly, have authenticated evidence to conclusively prove the presence of deception.

“Deafness has left me acutely aware of both the duplicity that language is capable of and the many expressions the body cannot hide.” -Terry Galloway (Poet/Actress)



Studied Basic Human Emotions, Universal Expressions, Deception Hot Spots, The Polygraph, Behavioural Interviews, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) prior to university and happened to study these topics and among others in one of my fourth year undergraduate courses.

Check out: Allan and Barbara Pease: Communication Skills

Dr. Paul Ekman (Resources)

Dr. Paul Ekman, Articles, Training, Resources, etc. (Project Wizard)

Other Studies and Books that cover these inter-disciplinary fields on the subject of deception, emotions, and human behaviour.

“The mouth may lie, alright, but the face it makes nonetheless tells the truth.” -Friedrich Nietzsche

The Friend Zone: Type I and Type II

Verbal vs. Non-verbal Communication

What the two different types of friend zones mean and the recommendations to improve upon such an issue.


        Type I: “He or She’s out of my league!”


What we do to ourselves when we see or know somebody we are attracted to, desire, and want in a partner and lover. We come up with excuses on why we can’t attract, build rapport, and seduce them. We metaphorically shoot ourselves in the foot. In other words, we come up with mental scenarios on why we can’t accomplish our goals or make a plan a reality. This is known as limiting beliefs. Limiting beliefs are those which constrain us in some way. Just by believing them, we do not think, do or say the things that they inhibit. And in doing so we impoverish our lives. We may have beliefs about rights, duties, abilities, permissions and so on. They’re the opposite of affirmations (positive self-talk).

limiting beliefs

Recommendations: Be Positive, Find Value in Every Situation, Be in the Moment, Be Present, Use your sense of humour to bring a genuine smile and laughter for yourself and others around you, Stand Out from the crowd (Look Up: Peacock Seduction Theory)- accessorizing, Put Yourself Out There (Communicate your feelings with words, facial expressions and body language positioning, Go through Exposure Therapy, Freud’s Talking Cure, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) or Emotional Freedom Technique (Tapping) if that’s an option for you which may be recommended by your health specialist, Seek help from an ethical and moral dating, relationship, life coach.

          Type II: “I have to go to the washroom.” , “I’m not interested.”, or “Let’s just be friends.”rejection-main

When your potential suitor (the one you want as a partner/lover/interest) is the one to really reject you by either verbally telling you she or he isn’t interested in that way directly or indirectly. Also, the person you’re interested in can communicate that they’re not interested non-verbally. Remember, communication consists of three elements: 55% is body language, 38% is voice tonality, and 7% are the words coming out of one’s mouth, alone.


Signals and recommendations: If their entire body from head to toes isn’t facing you, chances are he or she just isn’t interest nor attracted to you. In addition, you can look into their eyes (signs of arousal) as they’re the window to one’s soul and pay attention to one’s micro expressions to see if their smile when they’re around you is sincere. Genuine Smile indicators to look for include: wrinkles in lower eye-lid, nasio-labio fold, crows feet wrinkles, raised cheeks, and upturned mouth (Dr Paul Ekman). Also, learn about proxemics (study of body positioning) and kinesics (study of physical gestures). Space boundaries consists of: Public Space (3.6 to 7.6 m), Social Space (1.2 to 3.6 m), Personal Space (.45 to 1.2 m), and Intimate Space (0 to .45 m). A person may be attracted or interested in you when he or she breaks your personal or intimate space. Do NOT look for all these signs and assume somebody is giving you indicators of interest (IoIs).

To properly read each sign and people in what they’re sub-communicating, follow the 3 Cs Guideline: 1. Context- what one non-verbal cue means in one scenario may be different in another. For example, if one is inside and they’re crossing their arms, it could mean they’re cold. If they’re outside and the weather is sunny and hot and you the full context of what’s going on, then they could be insecure or hiding something (uncomfortable)., 2. Congruency- make sure one’s verbal and non-verbal communication are consist/linear. For example, if one says their confident verbally and their body language says their shrugged, then their non-verbal language is really saying they’re not confident. It’s like integers (a positive and negative together is an equivalent of a negative; +/- = -)., and 3. Clusters: Observe and evaluate things based on parts rather than the entire picture. For example, you observe and evaluate a part of the essay (sentences/paragraphs) rather than the entire essay (The Definitive Book of Body Language).

Here are some signs to look for whether one is interested or attracted to another:

Eyes display arousal, their pulses are rising (also a sign of anxiety), they have a genuine smile, they’re mirroring your non-verbal language (body positioning), their feet (direction of the subconscious mind) are facing towards you, they’re displaying open body positioning (for example, their palms and hands are facing towards you) rather than being defensive. Mirroring Behaviour or Postural Mirroring is intended to create complementary transactions at the physical level. Individuals will arrange their bodies so as to mimic the person they are interacting with. Grooming Behaviour is intended to promote the attractiveness of the person doing the grooming. Individuals will re-arrange various objects such as body parts, clothing, etc. to present the best possible image, particularly when meeting someone who is a potential sexual partner. Examples include: Hair Wiping and Clothing Manipulation (adjusting clothes- i.e. collar).

In conclusion,

Practice and Practice and Practice your communication, social, people, presentation, marketing, influencing/persuasion skills in all parts of your life by learning to be more emotionally expressive mature person and be visually presentable. The three components to influence and persuasion are having to appeal and influence 3 parts of our brain: 1. The logical brain (Neo-cortex), 2. The Primal Brain (R-Complex), and 3. The Emotional Brain (The Limbic System).

Book recommendations and other resources on influence, persuasion, communication, social, people, presentation, relationship skills:

Webs of Influence- The Psychology of Online Persuasion

Author: Nathalie Nahai, The Web Psychologist

The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease

The Rules of The Game by Neil Strauss (Author of The Game: Penetrating the secret society of Pick Up Artists)

Emotions Revealed by Dr. Paul Ekman (Lie to Me)

Law of Attraction by Michael J. Losier

Split Second Persuasion by Kevin Dutton

The Art of Seduction, and Mastery (two books) by Robert Greene

Companies/Consulting Businesses: Love Systems, Venusian Arts, Ars Amorata (The Art of Love), Jordan Gray Consulting, The Wing Method, Ethical Pick Up, Authentic Man Project, The Social Man Project, The Moral Compass of Attraction, Social Adaptation, ABCs of Attraction, Style Life Academy, Charismatic Arts,, and

My First Interview about The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation

The First Interview about The Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation!! 🙂

2013-05-28 13.43.00

The Nice Guy/Girl Dilemma and The Alternative (Guidelines)

In the World of Dating, Courtship, Attraction, Seduction, Love, and Relationships, a common phrase exists: “Nice Guys/Girls Finish Last.” This mentality is also known as the Nice Guy/Girl Syndrome.

Search Nice Guy Syndrome on Urban Dictionary

So, let’s tackle the dilemma of “Nice People” to arrive at the conclusion of whether it’s true or false. What does that “Nice” mean? Firstly, nice, alone can be vague without adjectives and details to describe what is nice.

Check out Nice Guys Finish Last Music Video:

For the sake of this discussion and article in defining the concept of Niceness, Nice is divided into two terms. Nice may mean different things to oneself and others.

Kezia Noble’s Video On Nice Guys, Good Guys, and Bad Guys. Be THE GOOD GUY! 😉

Check NO! The first type of “Nice” is a euphemism for neediness, overly insecure, weak, having ulterior motives/agendas, being passive or passive-aggressive, or overly aggressive, entitlement mentality which aren’t desirable traits for being dating, courting, relationship material. Thus, “Nice” is NOT really Nice when used to describe what one really means. Example of “Nice”: Attempt to buy another’s affection through gifts, presents, superficial materials, etc.

Picture: Google Image Search- Nice Guy Syndrome: See Picture that says: How to Spot a Nice Guy

“Being your true authentic self is your most attractive self. Us being us is our real attractive self. In fact, us being real, us being authentic is the only truly seductive thing there is. Honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.” -Zan Perrion

Check Yes! The second type of Nice (aka. The Good) means being Nice without any ulterior motives/agendas. In other words, being nice without expecting anything else in return (also known as. Old school Chivalry) is what being Nice truly is. Example of The Genuine Nice: Gets to know a potential suitor (person one is interested in, attracted to, respects and values).

Watch Jenna Marble’s Nice Guys Do NOT Finish Last Video:

“Nice” do finish last while The Nice can finish first!

In order to be in a successful loving and mature relationship with others, one must love themselves entirely including their imperfections. Embrace Yourself through Complete Honesty, Sincerity, and Authenticity!

Self-Love, Self-Respect, Knowing and Applying one’s Self-Worth through Beliefs, Values, and Actions are very important in being a Man or Woman, Leader, and most importantly, a human being that can be an optimistic role model.

The Nice can date, court, attract, and seduce the one he or she is interested in, attracted to, values, and respects. However, being genuinely nice is NOT enough. People, Men or Women of all Sexual Orientations and other backgrounds, want their partner, lover, significant other, close friend to be a supporter and nurturer in the relationships they have with each other. Desirable traits in friendships, romantic relationships and of other types includes: Confidence, Assertiveness, Gentleness, Sensitivity, Charisma, Clean Humour, Maturity, Morals, Ethics, Passion, Determination, Personal/Social Competence, Strength, Courage, Ambition, Experience, Wisdom, Intelligence, Altruism, and so forth.

To become really successful in life in all aspects, communication, social, leadership and motivational skills while living a valuable principled life is a must. So, To Be Interesting, Be Interested!

“Be a man of value rather than a man of success.” –Albert Einstein

Life is too short as the saying goes. Also, there’s no right time. Make time and live life to the fullest in the moment as if there’s no tomorrow. Carpe Diem and Create The Opportunities through Holistic and Interdisciplinary Approaches of Altruism! Say what you really feel and do what you truly feel! Say more than just Hello to the Person you not only are attracted to, interested in or desire, however, more importantly to the one that you value, respect, and love passionately by not only words since actions demonstrate purpose and meaning. Be Your Best Self!

Lessons to Achieve and Learn

Learn Emotional Awareness (Facial Expressions; Micro, Macro, False, Masked), Social Skills through Influence, Persuasion, Personality, Character, Charisma, The Arts and Sciences of Attraction, Social Dynamics, Seduction, Social Structures: Proxemics (Space and Body Positioning), Haptics (Touch), Kinesics (Physical Gestures and Body Movement), Vocalics ((Paralanguage), Chronemics (Structure and Use of Time in Nonverbal Communication) and so forth. In addition: Read, Learn, Practice, Evolve Intelligently with Effectiveness and Quality.


“When we love, we always strive to become better than we are. When we strive to become better than we are, everything around us becomes better too.” -Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

Revolutionizing Manhood: Societal Conditioning, Empowerment, Changing F/M Roles, Principles in Communication and Relationships

Too often in society and mainstream media, we hear phrases such as: Boys will be Boys, Boys and Men do NOT cry, Males don’t express themselves, Expressive Men are cowards and not masculine, Men are supposed to be aggressive, muscular, athletic and so forth. You get the point. Stereotypes and Generalizations are clearly prevalent here under lack of critical thinking and not realizing or acknowledging that people of the same background can be different.

To respond and to know that those absurd words involves ridiculous thinking and full of ignorance and sometimes arrogance, forget the lies.

Just like many things and other beings, Men come in all sizes, shapes, forms, and from all diverse backgrounds. Expressive Men have feminine traits while being masculine just as those with other sexual orientations besides being heterosexual are men and masculine too. Non-muscular, athletic, sad, crying men are masculine men.

Yoda from Star Wars once said, “You must unlearn what you have learned.”


External Factors: Society and Media continue to brainwash us with misconceptions, stereotypes, generalizations, and deception that people are to labeled as objects and seen as if they are all the same apples. In reality, some are apples while others can be sweet apples, juicy oranges, tropical mango, shining bananas, etc. Painting everybody as the same picture is intellectually, ethically, and morally unsound. Every Single Individual is UNIQUE in their own way both naturally and through the journey of nurture, personal/social/professional growth! 🙂 Believe It, Practice It, and Own It! Empower and Transform Yourself Into Your Best Self for the right reasons!

To Empower Yourself and Others is to be AUTHENTIC by accepting your true emotions whether you may be sad, angry, happy, perplexed, flabbergasted, or disgusted. In other words, when one feels sad, be sad. When one feels angry, be angry. When one feels happy, be happy. So be Genuine, Sincere, and Authentic when expressing oneself alone or when one is with others.

To be feeling down, is more than okay to be sad, angry, and in tears, and vulnerable. Heck, as boys and men, after all, ARE HUMAN as well. We are HUMAN.

To suffer, to be vulnerable, to be impotent, is to be human who becomes a leader with the abilities to be courageous, have strength, and living a principled, ethical, moral, and fulfilling life.


As for Men and Women of all beings, each and every one of us, holds feminine and masculine personality traits which is taught in Family Studies 101. Also, we intuitively know that in our minds.

Question and Challenge some Assumptions in Social Norms, Taboos, Stereotypical Gender Roles

If a man is more feminine both in personality or looks, that doesn’t make him any less masculine. Heck, to be more feminine, in itself, takes Courage and Strength. Also, men that belong to other sexual orientation besides heterosexuality too, are masculine and men of Courage and Strength. Men who don’t fit the conventional profile of being masculine, are still men, masculine, and most importantly: Human Beings.

Through Value, Sympathy, Empathy, Compassion, Respect, and Integrity in Verbal and Nonverbal Communication we can practice and embody a life with Principles, Ethics, Morals, Empowerment and Authentic Transformation as Honest, Sincere, Trustworthy, Genuine Leaders.

List for Suggestions towards Empowerment and Transformation:

Self-Awareness, Affirmations (Positive Self Talk), Discipline, Mindfulness, Spiritual Journey, Meditation, Being Engaged in your Communities, Social Capital: Bonding (Similarities) and Bridging (Differences) with self and others, Tapping- Emotional Freedom Techniques, Talking Cure- venting/ranting with or to those that care about you and those whom you care about, Therapeutic Exercises/Counseling, Healthy Living: Health and Wellness- Mental Health, Nutrition and Exercise, Love, Complete Acceptance while simultaneously evolving oneself and helping others do the same. **Everybody has their own way of empowering and transforming themselves and others.** To find what works, go through series of trials and errors. One can mix these recommendations by using multiple of these techniques for relieving stress to empower and transform self and others. Exercising holistic and interdisciplinary approaches to relieve stress while going through the journey of transformation is beautiful.

Self-Awareness: Consciousness of Self (Aware of One’s Strengths, Weaknesses- one’s entire being/sense of self) > Self-Conscious (Focusing on Insecurities)

Tapping Emotional Freedom Technique


In personality psychology, locus of control refers to the extent to which individuals believe they can control events affecting them. Understanding of the concept was developed by Julian B. Rotter in 1954, and has since become an aspect of personality studies. Essentially, the Locus of Control is about things one can control and others that are out of one’s control.

Check this article out on Locus of Control.

Please contact the Moral Compass of Attraction and Social Adaptation for further resources on therapeutic approaches to relieving stresses all the while being one’s best self! Email: or contact us through the FB Page.

Prejudice and Biases: The Difficult Life of Being Asian in The Western Universe

Firstly, this is NOT a story about feeling miserable about being Asian while going through life with stereotypes, racism, and having the victim mentality (NOT a real victim). This is far from feeling sorry for oneself or other fellow Asians. It’s a message about conflict, change, growth, and empowerment. So, let’s get started.

Asian-Poker-Face- Unmasking The Emotions
Throughout history and contemporary times, Asians have become the highest rate in America to be more likely than any other racial/cultural groups to be victims and survivors of abuse and bullying perpetuated from their peers. In my own experiences and of many others, we have noticed that internalized and externalized prejudice about Asians has been prevalent in both the U.S.A. and Canada. Even positive stereotypes and generalizations can be malicious due to lack of understanding, personalizing, and humanizing people on an independent case by case basis.

That has to all change for the better through holistic approaches to achieve progress while going through a selective and diverse journey to succeed and lead towards empowering not only ourselves that go through discrimination but every single one of us since we’re ALL HUMAN. Discussions and Actions for Growth must be congruent and established through our consciousness of self or also known as: The Discipline of Self-Awareness!

Fellow Asians! Take Charge and Be in Control of Your Own Lives rather than complying with society and media to allow them to dehumanize and degrade us. Fight The Good Fight! The Bad, The Ugly, and The Evil may win the battle, however,

We win the war against evil by decisions we make for ourselves whether our empowering actions are unconsciously or consciously committed.

Us, Asians, aren’t exactly positively both historically and contemporarily represented well in the mainstream media of the Western world, especially in the department for being a prospect of dating or relationship material. The latest Oscars have shown that there’s clear lack of diversity within the media/entertainment industry and in rewards ceremonies.

Pop Culture
As Asians from all diverse backgrounds, we go through may perpetuated and stigmatized biases, prejudices, stereotypes, and discrimination from our childhood, adolescence, to adulthood.

Stereotypes and Generalizations
These are many of the following [whether good or bad] ridiculous comments we hear again and again and continuously throughout our lives from the general public:
Asians are physically small [this racial slur is worse for fellow, Asian Men] which sub communicates the label of being weak and submissive and sexually incompetent and incompatible.
Asians eat dogs [Misinformed Assumptions that everybody does the same thing, lack of cultural education due to ignorance and sometimes, arrogance]
Asian Women are Submissive [Media portrays them as dehumanized beings- i.e. sex objects]
Asian Men have small penises [implies that AM are sexually weak and unconfident based on generalizations and presumptions]
Asians are good at math, are computer geeks, nerds, good at video games, knows martial arts and self-defense, are well educated, socially awkward, rich, don’t like nor date non-Asian people.
Asians are always indifferent also known as poker faced (non-expressive).
Asians always look furious.

stereotypes -none

Logical Reasoning: Flawed vs. Factual
It’s understandable that assumptions are innately within us to a certain degree. However, there are two types of assumptions: 1. Misinformed Assumptions [without any existing legitimate and supporting evidence] which results with conjecture and 2. Educated Guesses or Informative Assumptions [With prior insightful knowledge to support a premise and a conclusion] thus resulting in a factual premise and sometimes conclusive outcome. In order for deductive [general to specific premises/conclusions] reasoning to work effectively, there must be complete solid evidence to support a premise and conclusion. Same applies to inductive [specific to general] reasoning to a certain degree.

Example of Deductive Reasoning:
A is B
B is C
Therefore, A is C.
Human Nature’s Irrationality and Need to be Ignorant
Generalizations form because as human beings we like to know things even when we don’t and they may be heavily flawed due to our Ego and having the explanations comforts us rather than suffering from the fear of the unknown even if we’re wrong and arrogant. No wonder the saying, “Ignorance is bliss.” exists. With that being said, I respectfully disagree with the argument that unconventional yet effective wisdom is Bliss.

Higher Purpose, Meaning, Education, Altruism and Free of Judgment
In a well developed world and if one’s provided with the resources for education and learning, there’s no excuse to be ignorant, generalizing, and stereotyping people with labels and misleading information despite irrationality to be part of human nature. Through nurture, high value and intelligent individuals put themselves on a higher purpose and makes themselves accountable for their actions while helping others evolve too.
As an Asian and more importantly as a human being, all those comments are intellectually absurd. NOT everybody is the same. In the world, everybody and anybody in any world and everywhere, there are apples, oranges, mangos, bananas, strawberries, blueberries, and watermelons.

Born to Stand Out
The IMPORTANT Lesson here is to continuously practice the Principles of Altruism, Respect, Equality, Self-Love, Self-Awareness, and Togetherness! ❤ Diversity for ALL is the ULTIMATE Journey! 🙂

altruism is the new sexy

Here’s two books on the Myth of The Model Minority: Asian Americans Facing Racism (First and Second Editions) and Asian American Sexual Politics: The Construction of Race, Gender, and Sexuality.